Time Turner
by GoAwayAnna
Summary: AU. Beckett has the power to reverse time, and one day she sleeps with Castle to see how it'd be like, reversing time afterwords so he doesn't have any clue about it. Only she becomes pregnant from the encounter. Will she tell him her secret, and let him be in the baby's life? [Tumblr prompt]
1. Post-Heist High

She had the power to reverse all of this and make it like it never happened. They had had a moment in the bank vault, right? She had been so happy that he wasn't dead; she knew it was reflected all over her face, and she thought she saw some of the same emotion in his features as well. The thought made her nervous.

She stayed for dinner, celebrating the joys of life with the people she. . .thought she could love. But, no, she wouldn't ruin what they had just to taunt herself with the idea of what could be but probably never would. Still, she couldn't help but wonder what it would be like to be with him in that way. She could do it. She could make love to him and then turn back the clock so that no one but her would ever know what happened.

She tried not to think about it as they all sat around the table and had a wonderful dinner together. They drank champagne, talked, and laughed, not noticing how late their dinner was running. That is until Alexis yawned.

"Sweetheart, you'd better get to bed," Castle said gently. "You've had a rough day and you've got school tomorrow."

Alexis stood up, carrying her plate to the kitchen, and said, "Yeah, I know. I just don't know that I'll be able to sleep is all."

"I hear ya, kiddo," Martha chimed in from her spot at the table. She, too, stood up and carried her dishes to the kitchen. Beckett followed suit.

Eventually, after the dishes were all rinsed and placed in the dishwasher, Alexis and Martha both retired upstairs.

Castle and Beckett remained in the kitchen, sipping the last of their champagne. Beckett couldn't tear her eyes from Castle's; she thought she would never see him again.

"What?" he asked, grinning at her.

She looked at her feet before looking back at him with a serious expression. "I thought I lost you," she whispered.

"Kate," he said softly, but before he could say anything else, her body took her over. She grabbed his ears and pressed her lips to his in a passionate kiss. He tensed up for a moment before listing into her kiss, placing his hands on her waist.

Beckett's world spun as she kissed him hard and fast, the only thing causing her to break apart from him was the desperate need for oxygen. She couldn't bring herself to look at him, even though she knew she would erase this moment between them. Beckett was pulled from her thoughts as Castle tipped her chin up so she would look at him. The intensity of his eyes caused her breath to catch.

Their next kiss was slow and heated, her lips opening for his tongue, his hands sliding around to slide up and down her back as he pulled her into him.

She couldn't help the small moan that escaped her; she was losing herself in his embrace, forgetting everything that wasn't the feel of him around her. The fact that it was her walking him backwards toward the bedroom was only mildly shocking. However, he wasn't interested in fumbling around and trying not to trip over one another, so he reached down and swooped her up into his arms.

 _Oh, Castle,_ she thought to herself. _I don't know if I'm ready and I don't want to hurt you._ However, she allowed him to carry her and gently place her on the bed before he started kissing her again.

He was so gentle, so reverent. The way he handled her made her heart break into a million pieces. He loved her and she knew it, but she was too scared that she would ruin everything they had. But she could let tonight happen. She could mourn what couldn't be tonight, then go home tomorrow and turn back the clock so that only she would have the memory of the possibility of them.

She had hoped that, when they made love, it would be sloppy and awkward, but it was sweet and slow, passionate and frightening. A single tear slid down her cheek as she lost all control around him. He followed shortly after, whispering her name next to her ear. It was all so emotional and so explosive; it was too much to handle.

Despite the overwhelming feelings that were coursing through her, she couldn't bring herself to leave his bed. Castle had her wrapped up tight in his embrace and she was breathing in his scent, reveling in the feel of his arms around her. Her heart broke as the time of her needed escape drew closer. She would wait until he was deeply asleep and then leave.

Then the time came. Castle was breathing deeply next to her with his arms still wrapped around her; she desperately didn't want to move away from him. Finally, she turned toward him to see that he was sleeping so peacefully and he looked happy, even in his sleep. She couldn't bear to see his hurt expression the next day if she didn't do what needed to be done. So she left. She got up and gathered her clothes without waking him, got dressed, and left his apartment.

She cried on the walk to her car, on the drive home, and all the way up to her apartment. She really should have showered, but the thought of washing his scent off of her was inconceivable, so she just went to bed.

She slept fitfully, tossing and turning, dreaming about what the future might look like for them. No matter what scenario played out in her dreams, they both ended up hurt and alone. And so, when her alarm clock went off at 5 a.m., she dragged herself out of bed and fumbled her way into the bathroom. Before starting her special process, she splashed some water on her face, trying to clear her head. Once that was done, she gave herself a good, long look in the mirror.

 _Would it really be so bad, being with Castle? Maybe we could make it work._ She sighed, rethinking the whole situation. _But what if it didn't? Then it would be too hard to work together and I would've lost my partner_ and _my best friend. Not to mention Martha and Alexis. No. It's too complicated and the stakes are too high. I have to take us back._

Once again facing herself in the mirror, she took a deep breath, closed her eyes, and said, "October 30th, 2011, 8: 37 p.m." She opened her eyes before time moved and caught a glimpse of herself for real. She looked defeated, like she had been beaten down too many times.

Then she felt like a giant vacuum was sucking her through a straw. Then suddenly, she was back at Castle's apartment eating dinner with his family. Her face fell, but she collected herself quickly, plastering a smile to her face.

"Beckett?" Castle asked. Apparently she hadn't collected herself fast enough. "Are you okay?"

She glanced at the red-heads and noticed they were all staring at her. "Oh, yeah, I'm fine," she tried. "I was just thinking about the last time I saved your ass."

They all laughed and began a new string of storytelling, none of them noticing that Beckett was breaking apart on the inside.


	2. The After

Going through that dinner had been the hardest thing she's ever done. Somehow, though, she managed to convince the three Castles that everything was fine. When she finally made it back home, she was too mentally and emotionally exhausted to do anything but strip her clothes off and collapse into bed.

Sleep eluded her, though. She kept replaying her time with Castle over and over, thinking about how wonderful it was, how scary. It almost hurt her more to know that she would always know that it had happened, but he never would.

The sunlight woke her up—had she actually fallen asleep? because it hadn't felt like it—and she was once again overwhelmed with grief. However, Beckett knew what she had to do. She was good at it, too.

She moved into the bathroom and took a shower. She washed away all that had happened between her and Castle, stepping out of the tub an entirely new woman. She got ready as she normally would and continued to bury her emotions.

 _Get over it,_ she thought to herself. _It happened, it's done, move on._ Somehow, Beckett convinced herself that it was working. In fact, when she made it to the precinct and saw the cup of steaming coffee waiting for her, it didn't bother her. She was able to greet Castle with a smile. Life went on.

It had been two months since she and Castle had slept together and not a day went by that she didn't think about it at least once. She desperately tried not to, but most often, Castle would do something that would send her back to that night after the bank heist. But with every surge of those memories came an equally strong combative force from Detective Kate Beckett. She would not let those memories drag her down, so she pressed on.

In fact, she was pressing on right now. A body had dropped yesterday afternoon, so she and Castle were at her desk working out the timeline. That was when the overwhelming nausea hit. Dropping the marker on the floor, she slapped her hand across her mouth and made a dash for the bathroom. She emptied her stomach and rinsed her mouth out only to realize that she had to pee. By the time she exited the bathroom, Castle had already written down a few tidbits of information on the board.

"Are you okay," he asked, his face clouded with concern.

She smiled at him, thinking that she might have to pee again. "Yeah, I'm fine. It must have been something I ate."

He studied her for a moment before responding. "Okay. Well I just wrote some of the basics down; I didn't think you'd mind."

"Not at all," she said as she read what he had written. They dove into it together yet again.

A week later, when the nausea hadn't gone away, Kate decided this was more than just the flu. She tried thinking back to what could have made her sick like this. She reminded herself of the stories Jenny used to tell when she was pregnant with. . .pregnant. Castle.

Beckett's stomach dropped and she had to run to the bathroom again.

 _No, no, no no no no no, no! I cannot be pregnant, this cannot be happening._ She needed to be sure. She ran down to the corner store and bought a pregnancy test, ran back home, and peed on a stick.

 _But I went back! I went back in time to before it happened so I can't be pregnant because we technically never had sex._ Her mind was spinning out of control, so much so that she didn't realize that the two minutes was up until the alarm on her phone chimed.

Taking a deep breath, she looked down at the pregnancy test. It was positive. She felt like someone had kicked her in the gut, knocked the wind right out of her. Her legs grew weak and she had to sit on the toilet before she fell over. She sat there for a while before even trying to figure out how this could happen.

 _Okay,_ she began, _obviously we had sex._ That was true. _And he didn't use a condom._ Also true. _And he. . ._ _didn't pull. . .I let him. . . But then I went back in time to before we had even had sex, so none of that should matter!_

But it had happened to her. It might not have happened for him, but it had happened for her; the fact that she went back in time didn't change that. Why didn't she think of that then? Her emotions finally caught up with her and she buried her face in her hands and cried.

 _It wasn't supposed to be like this. How will I explain this to him?_ A fresh wave of panic hit her and she spent the rest of the evening sitting on the bathroom floor crying, trying to figure out what her next move would be.


	3. The Explanation, Part I

It had been a few days since Beckett found out she was pregnant. She hadn't even made a doctor's appointment yet; she didn't want to because then it would really be real. Also, she hadn't even told the father that there was a baby. It had occurred to her at one point that she wouldn't have to—she could just go to the clinic and have it taken care of—but then she imagined her life two years from now and she couldn't picture it without a little one toddling around. No, she would keep his baby. But she had to figure out how to tell him about it. Well, about the baby _and_ how the baby happened.

She tried not to let her nervousness and anxiety show while she and Castle worked yet another murder together as if nothing weird was happening. Finally, when they were about to call it quits for the night, Beckett spoke up. "Hey, Castle," he turned and looked at her, unassuming. "I was wondering if you would come to my place for dinner tomorrow night. I need to talk to you about something."

She was unsure whether his expression was more curiosity, excitement, or hope. Either way, he replied with a nod of his head and, "Yeah, sure."

Beckett nodded once and turned to leave the 12th, hoping he would somehow understand what she told him. The plan she came up with since finding out she was pregnant was this: get him to her place for dinner so there was no chance of interrupting redheads and so they would have something to do in case the conversation became unbearably awkward. Next, she would start the discussion off slow, a way to ease into the difficult part, and then she would just tell him she was pregnant.

This is exactly how the evening started. Beckett had made an obscene amount of food, hoping that they would just keep eating until it was time for him to go home and she wouldn't have to tell him anything. They were digging into the chicken, quiche, and salad she had prepared, making small talk, and generally enjoying each other's company.

Until, finally, Beckett couldn't take it anymore and said, "I asked you here for a reason, Castle."

A little startled, he looked up at her expectantly. When she didn't say anything, just stared at him, he urged her on. "Okay. . .and what would that reason be?" Her heart was pounding; it dawned on her that he might think this was a date. Shit.

Not wanting to delay the inevitable, she took a deep breath, looked down at her half-eaten plate, and ungracefully blurted out: "I'm pregnant."

She almost jumped out of her chair when he started coughing viciously, choking on the quiche and her words. "What? You're pregnant?" Castle looked so hurt; her chest tightened.

"Oh, God," she said. "Yes, I'm pregnant, Castle. I found out a couple of days ago, but there's more."

He was too stunned to speak, so she continued, her voice speeding with every word, becoming higher and higher in pitch as she went. "I think I'm about two months along. You remember what happened about two months ago, right?" She continued, but noted the nod of his head. "Well I came over for dinner that night and I was so upset because I realized that I really could have lost you, and that thought was more terrifying that anything I could imagine."

Castle gave her a look of sympathy that almost surpassed the hurt that lived in his features. However, he didn't say anything, so Beckett continued.

"Well, what you remember about that night isn't the whole truth." He looked at her, predictably, as if she were crazy. She continued on. "You see, in my version of what happened that night, I wasn't as afraid. I let myself get lost in you and we. . .had sex."

She stopped to let him process what she had just said, and the implications of what it meant. Seeing his persistent confusion, she added. "Without a condom. You're the father, Castle."

His face scrunched in a way she had never seen it, then, just as quickly, unfurled into a look of pure incredulity. "What are you talking about, Kate? This isn't funny. Are you high? Are you having some sort of mental breakdown? We have _never_ had sex!" His voice was becoming more panicked with each syllable.

Before she knew what was going on, he was up, walking around to her side of the table and placing a hand to her forehead.

"I'm not crazy, Castle," she said, pushing his hand away from her. "You remember about two weeks ago when I started getting sick all the time?" He sat back down, still unbelieving. She had to explain how this happened.

Taking a deep breath, she calmed herself before explaining everything. She started slowly. "Please just hear me out, okay?"

He nodded emphatically, as if there was any other choice. "Okay. When I was fourteen years old, my best friend and I had gotten into a fight over something stupid. I came home and told my mom about it. Together, we realized that if I had said just a few things differently, my best friend and I wouldn't have gotten into a fight at all."

Castle looked a little glazed over, but seemed to be coming back to himself with the distraction of Beckett's story, so she continued. "My mom told me to go into the bathroom, look at myself in the mirror, say that day's date, and the time right before the fight. I looked at her like you're looking at me, but nodded and got up to do as she said." Beckett smiled at the memory.

"I went into the bathroom and did as she told me. Before I could realize what was happening, I felt like I was being sucked through a straw and everything went black. Next thing I knew, I was standing at my best friend's locker and she was saying to me exactly what she had before we had gotten into our fight."

Castle let out a puff of air and ran his hand through his hair as he stood up and began pacing around her living room, trying to piece her story together. "So you're actually telling me that you, what, went back in time?"

She looked down at her plate again, unable to meet his eyes, knowing how insane she sounded. "Yes," she said quietly.

"Beckett," Castle said, almost pleadingly, "time travel isn't possible! I think you're crazy right now. This can't be happening."

She stood slowly as he continued to pace. "I thought you might say that." She moved to stand in front of him, capturing his attention. "Come with me; I have something to show you."

He followed her through the living room and into her bathroom where she had kept the proof of their night together. Bending to collect the plastic bag full of positive pregnancy tests from under the sink, she slowly stood and offered them to him.

Looking inside the bag, his eyes became wide and he slowly backed away from her. Her eyes filled with tears as he repeated, "This can't be happening, this can't be happening, this can't be happening."

"I'm so sorry, Castle," she cried. "I didn't mean for this to happen. After we slept together, I went back in time to before it ever happened, which is what you remember—"

" _Then why are you still pregnant?!"_ he shouted at her, interrupting her explanation. He was pale and sweating, shaking as he continued to pace. "I can't deal with this; this can't be true. I don't believe you, Beckett, this is impossible."

Those words hurt her more than she thought they would, but she continued trying to get him to believe. "Castle, it did happen, and I'm so sorry. I thought that when I went back to before we were together, that it would be like it didn't happen at all, but I guess I can't _rewind_ time, just jump back." This was not clear enough. "We had sex without a condom. The next morning, I went back in time, but _it had happened_. When I went back in time, it didn't erase what had happened _to me_. To me, we still had sex. You didn't know that, but we did."

He turned away from her and walked back into the living room. Collapsing onto the couch, he looked up at the terrified face that stood before him. "This is too much, Beckett. I _am not_ the father of your baby. I would know if I had sex with you, believe me. I can't be here right now."

Beckett's breath caught and she followed him to the door, pleading with him to stay and listen to her, but he didn't. He shut the door to her apartment firmly behind him as he left, leaving her to herself, leaving her to cry, leaving her to wish she could go back to before any of this mess happened…


	4. The Explanation, Part II

After Castle had stormed out, Beckett sat on her couch for what seemed like hours, just trying to replay what had happened and where she had gone wrong. She decided that she probably should have started with the time travel thing, save the real shock for last. Coming to terms with what she needed to do, she made her way to the bathroom.

Taking a hard look in the mirror, she wiped away the mascara that had run down her cheeks and said today's date. "7: 25 p.m." she finished weakly, bracing herself for what she knew was coming. Sure enough, her back felt as if it was being pinched and then the familiar sucking feeling pulled her back to before that disastrous dinner.

She found herself, once again, in her kitchen preparing the chicken for her friend, her partner, her baby's father. The cooking and setting up for dinner was the same, as was his arrival to her apartment. Generally, the first whole bit of their dinner went the same. However, she approached the important subjects differently this go-around.

"So, Castle," she began slowly, "what do you think about time travel?" Oh, dear. That was sloppy.

Castle didn't seem to mind, though, because his eyebrows shot up nearly into his hairline and the rest of his face lit up with a child-like joy. "Can't wait. When it finally happens, I think I'm gonna go back to. . ." Beckett watched as he explained when he would visit, who he would see, and what he would do, but she wasn't really listening. She was trying to form her next sentence in her head.

"Okay, Castle," she interrupted with a chuckle. "Okay." She took a deep breath and looked him in the eye as she said, "Castle, listen to me." He looked at her seriously, waiting for her to continue. "I have something totally bizarre to tell you."

"Oh," he said quietly, excitement bubbling under the surface, hoping for something scandalous, "okay."

They had both stopped eating and were focusing on the conversation. Taking another deep breath, Beckett said, "I know you probably won't believe me when I tell you this, but. . ." her heart was racing.

Castle fidgeted in his seat. "Beckett, just tell me. You're making me nervous."

"I'm sorry, Castle." She clenched her fists, attempting to hold onto her confidence. "I can go back in time."

Dead. Silence.

Castle stared at her with a mischievous smile, glancing around her apartment as if waiting for cameramen to jump out at him saying that he'd been punked. "Beckett? Is this some kind of joke?" He laughed a little bit, then became serious again. "Is my hair okay?"

As much as she wanted him to take this seriously, she had to chuckle at his enthusiastic vanity. She sighed, bringing his attention back to her. "No, Castle, I'm not joking. I've been able to do it since I was fourteen."

Now he was looking at her as if she were truly insane. Moving to stand up, she reached for his hand. He took it a little reluctantly, still staring at her with a dumbfounded expression. She led him into the bathroom and stopped them in front of the mirror, never letting go of his hand. Looking down at her father's watch, she said the date, followed by, "7:49 p.m."

The last thing she heard before being swallowed by the darkness and being spat back out two minutes ago was Castle's scream. Unlike Beckett, Castle wasn't used to the sensation of being ripped through time.

Suddenly, she was sitting back at the table with Castle, who looked like. . .he had. . .just been ripped through time. . . He was glancing around kind of frantically. "Beckett, what _the hell_ just happened? This isn't funny."

"Please, Castle, I know. I'm not trying to scare you or anything, but we're partners." He seemed to be able to focus a little more on her now and what she was saying. "We're partners and you're a big part of my life, so I thought you should know about this huge part of me."

Not saying anything, Castle got up and walked toward the bathroom. Confused and concerned, Beckett got up and followed him. She guessed this was his way of processing, so she let him do whatever it is he wanted to do without interruption. Standing in front of the mirror, he said the date and the time minus two minutes. Nothing.

"Castle," Beckett said as gently as she could. "It doesn't work like that."

He turned to look at her, slightly disappointed, very confused. "How do you do it? Why _can_ you do it?"

In his features, she saw the excited little boy who just saw a sci-fi movie for the first time and was trying to reenact it. She smiled at him and said, "I don't know. It's just something my family is able to do. No one knows why."

He studied her for a minute, then shook his head, an attempt to clear the cobwebs. "Come on, let's do it again. I need to be sure I'm not hallucinating."

He seemed to be taking it really well, and that made her happy. Ever her optimistic, daydreaming, wishful partner. She smiled, grabbed his hand, and said the date and time minus three minutes. They were sucked through time and spat back out, much to Castle's amusement and shock. He looked at her in awe before letting out a whoop and taking off.

"This is wild," he said, prancing around her apartment excitedly. She followed him into the living room.

 _I guess now would be a good time to tell him,_ Beckett thought to herself.

"Hey, Castle." He looked at her with an incredulous expression. "There's something else."

He let out a breath in a sharp exhale. "What else could there possibly be?!"

Feeling more nervous than before, she sat down on the couch and patted the cushion beside her for him to sit. He did.

She dove in. "Castle, this is going to be difficult for me, so please let me finish before you say anything." He nodded, so she continued. "You remember the bank heist a couple months ago, right?"

He nodded again. "How could I forget?"

She smiled nervously, glancing down at her hands then back to him. "Right. Anyway, what you remember about that night isn't. . ."

"Beckett?"

"The version you remember happening isn't the only version that happened." He didn't say anything, just looked at her, almost accusingly.

"Okay?" he asked, encouraging her to continue.

"What really happened that night was that I got emotional after Martha and Alexis went to bed because I was so shaken up at the thought of losing you. Anyway, you comforted me and we..."

Castle looked like he could be on the verge of hurt. "What?"

"We kissed," she said quickly. "We kissed, and it was wonderful and we got caught up in the moment. Eventually," she took a deep breath and saw his expectant reaction, "we had sex."

Yeah, he was definitely hurt. "Beckett, why would you go back? Surely you know how I feel about you, how I've felt about you for so long? Why keep that moment from me, from us?"

Her eyes welled up as she realized the mess she'd made of their lives. She hadn't even gotten to the worst part. "I know, Castle, I know and I'm so sorry. I'm so, so sorry. I just wanted to see what it would be like to let myself be that person for you; the person who was whole enough to love you; someone unbroken; someone who deserved you." His anger crumbled and his face became clouded with sorrow. The tears were flowing freely now. "I know it was selfish of me, Castle, and I'm so, so sorry. I don't ever expect you to forgive me."

He opened his mouth to reply to her, but she cut him off. "Castle, I'm pregnant."


	5. The Reaction

Castle stared at Beckett, his eyes blank; she could tell the gears were turning. "Kate?"

She wasn't sure whether it was a question or a statement, but the way he said it broke her heart. "Oh, Castle, I know," she pleaded with him as his face was flooded with hurt. "I know, I feel like the worst person in the world. You have to know how sorry I am. Please, Castle."

He didn't respond to her except to hold up a finger, indicating that he didn't want her to speak or move, maybe both. Either way, he got up and began pacing in front of her couch. Beckett got up and stood a few feet away from the path he was burning into her rug.

"Castle, please say something," she begged after several minutes of pacing.

He turned sharply, barely contained anger seeping through his words. "How could you do that, Kate?"

Tears were sliding down her cheeks. "I thought that when I went back, I could erase what had happened between us and—"

Castle cut her off. "And why couldn't you erase it?" He seemed to be accusing her.

"Because, Castle, us sleeping together was a part of my reality. It _happened_. You don't remember it, but it did happen." She looked at him with the smallest glimmer of hope.

She was taken aback when he looked at her, nausea threatening to upturn her stomach at the way he looked at her, the tears in his eyes as he said, "Kate, why would you take that away from me? From us? You have to know how I feel about you, how much I wanted this—wanted us."

Unable to control it, Beckett sobbed once, her hand coming to her mouth in an attempt to dampen the sound. She really screwed this up, didn't she? "I was so scared, Castle." His eyes rolled and her gut turned. She advanced on him, grabbing his bicep and forcing eye contact. "Castle, you are the most important person in my life, and I was so afraid that if we tried and we failed, it would have—I couldn't live—we wouldn't—"

She was wracked by another sob as Castle gently pulled her to him. She didn't try to hold back any more, had a feeling she wouldn't be holding anything back any more. He rubbed her back as she whispered _I'm sorry_ over and over into his shoulder. When she calmed down enough, Castle pulled away.

Beckett's eyes welled up yet again at the look of immense hurt on his face, at the tear stains running down his cheeks. "You deprived me of remembering the first time I slept with the woman I love, when _my child was created_." Beckett could feel her dinner inching further and further up her esophagus.

Tears rolled as she whispered, "I'm so sorry, Castle."

He held his hand up, stopping her from apologizing further. "I might not remember making this child, but I believe you when you tell me it happened." She felt like a huge weight was lifted from her and she let out a breath. "But," Castle continued, causing Beckett to tense, "I'll be damned if I miss another moment of this child's life, do you understand me?"

Beckett stepped closer to him, nodding furiously. "Absolutely! Yes, Castle, of course." He was still glaring at her. She went on, extremely hesitant. "Castle, I want you to be here for all of it." Her heart was hammering in her chest as she took another tentative step closer. "I want you here." It was a whisper, but she hoped it conveyed what she needed him to know.

His face didn't soften, but he didn't back away, either. "You want me here?"

"Yes." A whisper. Eyes big as the moon, filled with tears.

Castle was still unflinching. "With you?"

She took another step closer to him, hope flourishing inside of her, growing slowly but beautifully. "Yes, Castle. I want you with me. I wanna be with you."

The flower of hope was crushed when Castle turned and took a few steps away from her. "Why now, Kate?" His voice was harsh, clearly still angry.

"Because, Rick, I can't do this anymore!" She all but shouted it.

He closed the space between them, stopping a foot away from her. "Do what, Kate? What can't you do?" There was venom in his voice.

She swallowed the lump in her throat, praying that her voice came out even, maybe a little strong. "I can't _live_ without you anymore, Castle. I'm not interested in doing anything without you, okay?" His face finally softened as he listened to her intently. "I don't want to work without you, I don't want to eat without you, I don't want to sleep without you, and I _certainly_ don't want to raise this baby without you."

Castle let her words hang in the air for a moment before he reacted. Her heart exploded into a million pieces when he did, though, because he reacted by reaching out for her. He wrapped one arm around her waist and slid the other to cradle the nape of her neck. Pulling her in firmly, his lips collided with hers, passionate, angry, sorrowful, and very pent-up.

After several moments, they pulled apart, both panting, staring at one another. "Castle—" Beckett began, but apparently, he wasn't in the mood to talk because he just grabbed her and pulled her in for another deep kiss.

She forced him to detach and attempted to talk to him; she _needed_ to talk to him.

Castle cut her off in the middle of her next sentence. "Not now, Kate. You took away the conception of our baby, but I won't forget this time. I _will_ remember this."

Instead of resisting his kiss this time, she melted into it, allowing herself to be swept up in the moment, wanting to forget almost as much as he wanted to remember.

When they made love that night, it was full of emotion, mostly anger and regret, but it was also like a new beginning for them, like they were starting over. For her, it was (hopefully) the beginning of her future; for him, it was attempting to create the memory of making their baby.

This time when Castle fell asleep, Beckett didn't run. She didn't sneak out in the middle of the night to turn back time; she didn't run from her feelings. She had no regrets other than taking from Castle the memory of creating their child. No, this time, she would stay. They would talk in the morning.


	6. The Talk

The light that was slipping through the blinds of Beckett's bedroom window coaxed her from sleep. Like an anvil, the memory of the night before crashed into her. It was then that she felt the weight of his arm wrapped possessively over her waist. Beckett inhaled the scent of him, snuggling back and pressing his arm into her chest.

That was when the guilt hit. _He doesn't remember when he got me pregnant,_ she thought to herself. _How could I have done that to him? After everything he's done for me, doing everything I needed from him? I don't deserve him._

As if he could read her thoughts, Castle stirred, pulling her even closer to him. She turned her head to look at him, praying that the tears making their way down her cheeks would go unnoticed.

"Hey," he whispered gruffly. Beckett could tell he was still angry and she knew that they would have to talk eventually, so she rolled away from him and climbed out of bed.

Castle sat up and looked at her, confused, some of the anger from last night bubbling back to the surface. Beckett slid into his shirt. "I'm sorry, Castle, I didn't mean to ignore you. I just want to talk about last night so I'm gonna go make some coffee."

She thought she saw him ever-so-slightly soften as he said, "Fine," and rose to put on his boxers. As he followed her into the kitchen, he said, "I like seeing you in my shirt," without a hint of humor; his voice clipped and rough. Clearly, he was still angry, but this was a good start, right?

They were silent as the pot slowly filled with rich, brown liquid. Beckett took the opportunity to think through what she wanted to say to Castle while she waited for the pot to completely fill. When it did, she poured two cups and turned to find Castle watching her. His gaze stopped her cold in her tracks. It wasn't the usual way he looked at her, which was like something he cherished, but harder than that. Now, the way he looked at her made her stomach sink, confirmed her worst fear: that she had betrayed him completely.

Beckett handed him his coffee and took a sip of her own, watching him as he turned and headed into her living room. She sat next to him on the couch and waited until he was ready to seriously converse before beginning.

"Castle, tell me what you're thinking. Please."

He just looked at her before responding. "I'm angry, Kate. I'm angry at you."

"I know," was all she said.

"I don't understand why you would take back our first time together. Do you really not want to be with me that badly?" His brow was furrowed and she could feel the hurt emanating from him.

And that killed her. "Rick!" She almost shouted it, was so upset that he would even think that. "Of course I wanted to be with you!"

He stood and began raising his voice just slightly. "Then why would you even go back in time? Why would you—?" Running a hand down his face, he stopped, an attempt to calm himself. "Why, Kate? I love you. I thought you felt the same. Am I wrong?"

There were tears building, she could feel them. "No, Rick, you're not wrong! I do love you!" Beckett stood up and moved a step closer to him. His face didn't soften, just became more confused, but he waited for her to continue.

"Rick, I love you so much. It scares me, how much I love you. _That's_ why I went back in time." He turned from her and walked around the coffee table; she watched him until he ended up in front of her again.

"What do you mean, Kate?"

She was crying now. "I'm not good enough for you!" she said loudly, desperately.

Castle's eyes scrunched and he shook his head, trying to understand. "What does that even mean, Kate?"

Beckett met his eyes and saw genuine confusion in his eyes—apparently he didn't see it as clearly as she did. "Castle, I'm so broken." His face did soften at that. "When my mom died, so did a piece of me. I don't know how to _be in love_ with someone. I know that I love you, but I don't know what that means for me or how to do this." Her hand waved between the two of them then dropped lamely at her side.

"I thought that if we tried to be together that we would fail because I would drive you away, but the night of the bombing I was so torn up. The thought of losing you nearly killed me and maybe it was the heat of the moment, but I couldn't live the rest of my life not knowing what my life could have been."

As Beckett trailed off, Castle's face had steeled once again and Beckett's heart sank.

Castle let out a breath. "Did you ever even think about me through all this?"

Wiping away a tear, Beckett said, "Yes, I did think about you! I had convinced myself to just leave your loft and put it out of my mind, but then you looked at me with these eyes. . . I lost myself. Next thing I knew, we were in bed."

Looking up at the ceiling, Castle asked his next question, one that cut through her like a knife. "How am I supposed to trust you, Kate?"

Beckett needed a moment to collect herself and make sure she wouldn't answer with a sob. Taking a deep breath, she responded, "Whatever you want me to do, I'll do it. You have to believe me. I want this, Castle. I want _us._ "

Despite his anger, Castle wanted them, too. "So do I, Kate, but I'm going to need some time to recover from this. I still love you, but I don't fully trust you right now."

"I understand," Beckett said, quite miserably as Castle walked back to the couch and sat down. Beckett turned to face him and said, "I'm so sorry about what I did, but I want you to know that that night was amazing. You were so sweet and loving and wonderful."

"Wish I remembered," he mumbled.

Beckett let out a breath. "Me, too." She decided to change the subject slightly. "Can we talk about last night now?"

Castle looked up at her and motioned for her to sit beside him on the couch. "Did I hurt you," he asked a little sheepishly as she sat down.

"Not at all," Beckett said. "You just seemed angry, which is totally understandable."

Placing his hand on her bare knee, Castle simply said, "I was. I am, but I'm willing to work through it."

The weight that was lifted from her the night before was only partial, she realized, because she felt a huge sense of relief at his words.

Beckett couldn't help the smile that spread across her face. "So we're doing this?"

His response wasn't immediate. He studied her for a moment before he answered. "Yeah, we are."

A final few tears slid down her cheeks as she released a breathy laugh. "Can I hug you?"

Finally, _finally,_ he smiled at her. "Well I would hope so. We did have sex last night, and you _are_ carrying my baby." It wasn't said with his usual amount of humor, in fact it was a little dry, but at least he was joking with her again. He briefly placed his hand on her belly. She felt light as a feather as she wrapped his arms around his neck and felt his hands slid around to her back.

Pulling away, Beckett met his eyes and smiled. Tentatively, she put her hand to his cheek and stroked her thumb under his eye. "I do love you, Castle."

He kissed her, a peck on the lips, and said, "I'm still angry, but I love you, too." Beckett smiled and swiped her thumb one last time before standing. "Let's make some breakfast."

They spent the morning making and then eating pancakes, getting cleaned up and watching movies on Netflix. Periodically, they would discuss the night before, but nothing too terribly deep. By the time Castle was ready to go home, the sun had gone to sleep.

As he was standing in the doorway, Beckett leaned into him and placed a lingering kiss. He smiled at her and turned to leave.

"Castle!" she called to him.

He turned and she said, "Come with me to the first doctor's appointment tomorrow?"

She was so hopeful and child-like that he smiled at her, took the few steps back to meet her, and kissed her once again.

"Always." Then he went home.


	7. The Bean

The next Tuesday, Beckett grabbed her coat from the back of her precinct chair and let the boys know she would be taking a long lunch. They had just closed a case and she deserved it, was her reasoning. So far, they hadn't asked where Castle was. She hadn't offered any explanation, either.

As she pushed through the front door of the building, she was met by the man himself. Castle was standing there waiting for her, a small smile on his face. He had had a few days to come to terms with everything that had happened, but she could tell he was still on edge. Even though she had spent three of the five nights since she told him the news at his place, he was still reeling from the shock of it all.

She couldn't blame him. Hell, she probably would have shot him if the tables were turned. They weren't, though, and she had plans to spend the rest of her time trying to make it up to him. He deserved at least that.

Kate greeted him with a kiss, short and sweet, and grabbed his hand as they walked down the street toward his car. "How's the paperwork?" he asked, the lightness beginning to come back to his voice.

Rolling her eyes, Kate replied with, "Well it would go by a lot faster if my partner would help me." Smile.

He returned it and squeezed her hand. "Sorry, dear, I've got some writing to catch up on."

"That's an okay excuse, I guess," Kate said with a dramatic sigh. They approached his car and got into the back seat. She gave the driver the address of her OB/GYN and sat in comfortable silence for most of the ride there.

Finally, Castle broke it. "You nervous?"

"A little," Beckett replied. Truthfully, there were nervous butterflies making their presence known and her palms were just on this side of sweaty. "I guess the whole thing is still just a little surreal."

Castle chuckled and retorted. "You're tellin' me."

Trying not to let him see, Beckett flinched a little at his words, once again reminded of how horrible her actions had been. She hoped beyond hope that once they heard the baby's heartbeat, it would become real and they could move past how it happened. Richard Castle was never leaving her side again if she had anything to say about it. She rested her head on his shoulder.

"I love you," was her only response.

"Always," he replied, causing her heart to flip a little.

When they finally reached the OB/GYN's office, the two fell into their rhythm of sorts, approaching the office as if it were a crime scene. They only realized what was happening when Beckett simply gave the secretary her name and didn't flash her badge, which she was almost tempted to do out of sheer habit.

They sat down in the uncomfortable waiting room chairs, hand-in-hand, Castle tracing patternless patterns on her hand. Beckett let her mind wander to 10 months in the future. Where would they all be? Image upon image flashed through her mind, most of which consisted of Castle and the baby together and her heart was overwhelmed. Their baby was so lucky.

"Kate," the nurse called from the door that led to the exam rooms.

She stood, Castle close behind, and they followed the woman to the back. They were led to an examination room, Beckett was given a gown, and the nurse left so she could change. Castle watched from his chair, admiring her beauty and grace. He knew her so well and yet not at all.

There was a knock on the door just as Beckett hopped on the table. Once all her vitals were taken, weight was assessed, and blood was drawn, the doctor appeared.

She did her examination, Castle staying dutifully at Beckett's head and holding her head, then left so the technician could do the sonogram. Beckett gasped at the cold, but then everything stopped when they heard that noise—that fast, rhythmic whooshing that signaled new life.

Beckett's grip on Castle's hand tightened, both pairs of eyes widened, both still staring at the screen looking for anything that wasn't just black nothingness. Finally, the technician pointed out what looked like a little tiny bean.

"That's it," he said. "That's your baby. Congratulations, you guys!"

Tears welled in Beckett's eyes, her heart high in her chest, breath coming with a little difficulty. Baby wasn't even big enough to recognize and it was already taking her breath away. She looked up at Castle, finally processing the soft stroke of his thumb across her knuckles, and saw that he was beaming, his eyes also a little watery.

"God," he said, a mixture of disbelief and awe. "Our little baby." He finally tore his eyes away from their little bean and looked at her. She was smiling from ear to ear, simply radiant.

"Castle," she whispered. "We're having a baby!" Then they laughed, pausing only to share a kiss as the technician printed out some pictures for them and cleaned his gear out.

Finally alone, Beckett once again dressed, she said, almost to herself, "This is really happening."

Castle stood up and made his way to her still sitting on the exam table. He kissed her hair and asked, "Did you have doubts?"

Her eyes widened, hoped they weren't about to reopen old wounds. "No! Just, like I said earlier, it felt so surreal that I almost couldn't believe it myself."

Offering her the sonogram pictures, he chuckled. "Well this is very real, Kate. You're going to be a mommy!"

Her smile was so big. "I am." Then looking at him. "And I wouldn't want to do this with anyone but you, Castle. Thank you for being here, and thank you for believing me."

Castle kissed her hand before helping her off the table. "Well I love you too much to have any other choice."

As they were leaving the doctor's office, she looked at him and asked, "We'll be okay, right? We'll make this work?"

Stopping to look at her once again, Castle took both her hands in his. "Yes, Kate, we will. I love you and I love our little bean," she smiled, "and, though I'm still a little angry and I still have some trust issues right now, I am _not_ going anywhere."

She hugged him. "Okay. Just promise me you'll always talk to me. If you have concerns or fears, I want to know. No more secrets, okay?"

"No more secrets," he agreed. "Now let's get some lunch. I'm starving."

They walked the few blocks to a little café and ate lunch before Beckett had to be back at the precinct. Castle kissed her again as she was getting out of the car.

"See you later," she said as she closed the door.

Castle rolled down the window and called after her, "Bye! Bye, bean!"

Laughing to herself, Kate thought, _We really need to call this kid something else before Bean sticks._


	8. Don't Go

Castle and Beckett were at his loft watching tv on a Saturday night a few weeks after the first doctor's appointment. No body had dropped so they had gotten out of the precinct early enough to cook together. Once the chicken alfredo had been cooked, eaten, and cleaned, Beckett had used her womanly wiles to convince Castle to watch a few episodes of Nebula 9. Two and a half episodes in, Beckett was asleep, her head on Castle's shoulder, curled into his side.

Content to let her sleep and be alone with his thoughts, Castle didn't try to move or wake her. He was still just a little hesitant when it came to the subject of little Lemon's conception (Bean had grown to the size of a lemon, hence the name change), but he had already fallen in love with the sound of that heartbeat, the teeny tiny humanoid shape in the ultrasound pictures. Every night, he talked to their baby, even if it was over the phone, and no one was taking his little Lemon from him.

Then, like a bolt of lightning, it dawned on him: he wanted to marry her, he _needed_ to marry her. But first, he needed to set some ground rules. Gently pulling away from her, he whispered her name as she began to resurface from sleep.

"I'm sorry to wake you," he said quietly, a small smile gracing him.

Beckett returned the smile and said, "I'm sorry I fell asleep on you." She wiped under her eyes to remove any makeup that might have smudged during her nap. "Are you going to bed?"

She was looking up at him with such naiveté that he leaned in and kissed her, his love for her surging to the surface. Pulling away, he held eye contact with her as he began a conversation he hoped would change the course of his life. "You know I love you, right?" 

Beckett's brow crinkled in confusion. "Of course I do, Rick. I love you, too."

He smiled wider then. "I know you do. And I love Little Lemon more than I thought was possible. I didn't know I could love anything as much as I love Alexis." A reflexive hand moved to her tiny new bump and her face glowed. "And I want this," his hand waved between the two of them, "to be permanent."

Once again, Beckett's brow wrinkled in confusion. "What are you saying, Castle?"

Castle took Beckett's hands in his and scooted closer to her on the couch. He couldn't help the grin that was forming on his face. His excitement was contagious and the anticipation grew in Beckett's expression. "I don't just want to be Castle-and-Beckett-With-A-Baby, I want us to be a family. I want to marry you, Kate."

Beckett barked out a surprised laugh and her eyes immediately filled with tears. She began to laugh, but stopped when Castle squeezed her hands and interrupted her.

"But," he began, "I need to know that I can trust you."

Looking at him wide-eyed as if her whole life sat before her, she said, "Absolutely, Rick. I know you're still learning how to trust me, but I promise you that I will do whatever you need in order to regain that trust. Just tell me what you need from me and I'll do it, whatever it is, because I want our family, too. I wanna marry you, Rick."

Castle considered her for a moment before responding. "I don't know if this needs to be permanent, but, for now, I would appreciate it if you wouldn't use your. . .ability."

Thinking for a moment, Becket nodded her head and held his eyes, saying, "Never again, if that's what you want. You and our Lemon mean more to me than this ability I have. I never again want to hurt you like I did before and if you ask me not to go back in time, I'll do it."

He wanted to smile at her, he wanted to be grateful that she had agreed relatively quickly and completely willingly, but there was something going on in the back of his head. Her mother.

"But Kate, what about your mom?" The words left him almost before he realized he had the thought.

That did give her pause, but she recovered quickly, smiling softly at him. "Rick, do you know how many times I've gone back? I've gone to visit my mom, to try to save her." She paused, needing a moment to steady her voice before going on. When he looked at her with an almost pained expression, she continued. "I can't change it, no matter what I try. I can never save her."

"Why?" Castle whispered, his heart breaking for his partner, his love.

Taking another steadying breath, Beckett said, "Because I wasn't there when it happened. I didn't play an active role in her death, so there's nothing I can do. No matter how hard I try, I still lose my mom."

The tears slid down her cheeks and Castle wiped them away. When she swiped his cheeks, too, he realized that he had been crying as well, though he hadn't noticed at the time; he was too caught up in her pain. This 'gift' as he had called it must have been torture for her—not being able to save the person you care most about in the entire world? He couldn't imagine what that must have been like.

"Kate, I'm so sorry."

Smiling softly, she wiped the remainder of the tears away. "It just became too painful, knowing that I'd have to come back to a world where she wasn't anymore, and that no matter how many times I tried, I couldn't save her. When I told her I wouldn't be back to visit, she just smiled at me and said I made the right choice, that I should get on with my life."

Castle pulled Beckett into a hug, unable to think of another way to comfort her. Pulling away, Beckett wanted to start fresh. "Babe, I'm totally here now. I'm all yours. I won't go back because I want to be _here_ , with you and Little Lemon." Her hand once again found her new bump and his face lit up. "Besides, if I went back now and then reemerged in the present, who knows whether or not I'd even be pregnant? I'm not giving you _or_ Little Lemon up that easily…or at all, for that matter."

Castle kissed Beckett's forehead, held her close and whispered, "Thank you, Kate," in her ear. After another episode of Nebula 9, they went to bed.


	9. Will You?

Little Lemon was rapidly growing and making his or her presence known in the form of a noticeable bump on Beckett's belly, topped with the new addition of a protruding belly button. Though Castle and Beckett didn't share the specific details of Nana's conception (Lemon was now the size of a banana), they did announce the pregnancy.

Ryan and Espo were already jotting down stories to tell their little niece/nephew, Lanie had already spent an ungodly amount of money on the little one, Alexis was chattering nonstop about the kid, and Martha sat quietly with a knowing expression on her face. All was well in the world…mostly.

There had been one incident a few days ago when Castle though Beckett might have gone back in time to catch a suspect she had originally lost because it looked all too easy, but she swore up and down that she hadn't.

"Castle, I promised you I wouldn't. And I would never risk our baby like that!" she had said when he confronted her.

He was genuinely conflicted. "Kate, you just made it look suspiciously easy. That guy was fast and you're pregnant, and you knew exactly where to go and when to jump him to bring him down."

Beckett looked disgusted. "That's my job, Castle. I get paid to bring people down. You've been my partner for four years, you'd think you would know that by now." When he didn't have a reply, she just spat, "I didn't go back," placed her hands protectively around her belly, and stalked into the bedroom, slamming the door behind her.

When he came into the room to apologize, all she said was, "Look, Castle, I know the truth, but you're going to believe whatever you believe. I can't force you to believe me, you've got to do that on your own, but you need to know that I love you and I love this baby, and the thought of going back in time and then reemerging with a different kid? Without you? Not an option. I'm fine where I'm at, thanks."

Again, Castle apologized, they made up, had wonderful make-up sex, and then continued on with their lives. Beckett was a few short weeks away from desk duty, so she was enjoying her last bits of detecting with all her favorite boys, then going home to her almost-family.

The two hadn't really discussed their marriage plans much recently and that was fine with Kate. One life-altering change at a time was enough for her. However, she did still wonder where Rick stood on the issue.

She decided to bring it up as they were about to go out for dinner. "Hey, Castle, can I ask you something?"

He smiled at her, his hand at the small of her back as they made their way toward his car. "Sure," he said.

"Were you serious when you said you wanted to marry me a few weeks back?"

Her voice seemed a little small to him, so he looked at her. Sure enough, she was wearing a look of uncertainty that he didn't like. She had almost fully regained his trust, but surely she knew that he would never leave her. "Yes, I was. But, listen, can we talk about this after dinner? Maybe tomorrow? I'm worn out from the case today."

Beckett's stomach dropped. She faked a smile and said, "Yeah. Sure."

Her mind was reeling throughout the whole dinner. When desert came, she thought she was going to stroke out from the effort of trying to work her emotions out and keep up a conversation with Castle. The waiter placed a healthy slice of cheesecake between the two and then walked away.

"Kate," Castle said, jolting her out of her own head.

When her eyes met his, she saw something sure and unexplainable in them. She watched him as he stood and moved to her side of the table, her confusion growing by the millisecond. That is, until he dropped to one knee and pulled a ring box out of his coat pocket.

Slapping her hand across her mouth to prevent herself from sobbing, Beckett's eyes grew wide as Castle began his speech. _Why does there have to be a speech,_ she thought, _I'm going to say yes._

"Katherine Beckett," he started, "you are the most incredible woman I have ever met." Tears pooled in her eyes. "I love you with everything I am, and I love this life that we've created more than I ever thought I could." He placed one hand on her belly and smiled when he felt a flutter.

At this point, the room was silent and people were watching, wide-eyed and excited. "You and Nana are the best, most painful, most wonderful things that have ever happened to me. I want our family to be always. No matter what. Through space _and_ time." Beckett dropped the hand that was covering her mouth to cover his cheek as he opened the box and asked the most important question she would ever answer. "Will you marry me?"

A tear slid down her cheek as she smiled brilliantly and said quietly, "Yes." It was all she could manage without choking on her emotions. He slid the ring on her finger and then she leaned down to kiss him to the applause of the restaurant.

They went home after finishing their cheesecake to celebrate with their family.


	10. The Why

Beckett's foot was bouncing beneath her desk as she stared at the pile of paperwork in front of her. She _hated_ desk duty. Unfortunately, that was where she would be spending the rest of her pregnancy, since their little Nana had become big enough to just be a baby now.

"Kate!" Castle interrupted her thought process. "You're driving me crazy with your bouncing leg. What is wrong?"

With a sigh, Beckett looked up at her lover. "I just hate sitting here. I feel useless."

Castle smiled at her and said. "I know, Beckett, but it's for Baby Boo. We can't let anything happen to her."

Beckett's eyes rolled. "Or him," she said as she leaned back in her chair. "And I know. I went on desk duty a little earlier than normal because I didn't want anything to happen to Boo." She placed her hands protectively over her stomach. "It's the same reason, I," she glanced around to make sure no one was listening, "don't travel anymore." She placed extra emphasis on the 'travel' so he would understand she meant more than going from New York to Virginia.

Five o'clock came around and Castle helped Beckett into her jacket, then rode the elevator down with her. They got in his car and went to his place, going about their relatively new routine as an almost-family. Once dinner had been eaten and cleaned up, the two (or three, she supposed) of them sat on the couch watching Netflix and snuggling. Castle rubbed Beckett's belly and explained the plot of the movie to little Boo.

Before long, he paused the movie and sat up to face Beckett. "Can I ask you something," he began hesitantly.

"Sure," Beckett replied, "always."

Castle was completely calm and collected, so Beckett was only slightly nervous at his tone. "Can you travel forward in time or just backwards?"

Breathing a sigh of relief, Beckett chuckled. "Uh, no, I can't go forward in time, only back."

His face scrunched up and Beckett laughed. "But why?" Castle whined. "Going forward would be so cool. We could spy on Boo!"

"Babe, even if I could go forward in time, I wouldn't spy on our kid. That's weird and I wanna be surprised. I want to watch little Boo grow up and see what he or she becomes."

Considering her for a moment, he finally responded, "That's fair, I guess." She looked at him, waiting for his face to go back to normal, but he still looked confused.

She rested her hand on his cheek. "Castle, what is it? What else is on your mind?"

He took a deep breath before once again facing her and began. "Why don't you really go back in time anymore?" When he saw her brow furrow, he continued. "If it hadn't been for me asking you not to, would you still have gone back in time to try to get us right?"

Beckett looked a little horrified, but quickly collected herself when she saw his slight panic. "Castle, no! I wouldn't have gone back because I still would have gotten pregnant and I would never, ever risk our baby like that."

"You keep saying that, but I'm not sure I understand what you mean," Castle replied. When Beckett didn't reply, but looked at him quizzically, he added on. "What do you mean when you say you wouldn't risk our baby?"

Straightening up, she smiled at him. "First of all, you know how much I love you. I've tried to show you over the past several months and I try to tell you as often as I can." He smiled at her and placed his hand on her knee.

"I know. I love you, too."

Beckett smiled appreciatively, but continued on. "Well think about how much you love Alexis." When he grinned stupidly, pride beaming from his eyes, she pressed on. "That is how much I love Baby Boo. My mom once told me a story about some great-great-great- relative who got pregnant. Right after she gave birth, her younger sister died. She was heartbroken, had almost raised this sister, so she went back to try and change it, try to save her sister, but it backfired."

"How?" Castle asked, completely enthralled in her story.

"When she went back to try to save her sister, her pregnancy felt different; the baby in her belly was different. She just knew something was off." Castle looked thoroughly confused, so she tried to explain. "She panicked and so she went back to her present, but instead of a little girl, she had a boy who was nothing like her baby."

"Why was it different, though?" Castle asked earnestly.

Beckett smiled a soft smile at him. "I have no idea, but she had to choose. She could either save her sister and raise the little boy who didn't feel like hers, or keep her baby girl and let her sister die."

"What did she do?" Beckett took a moment for a dramatic pause.

"Her daughter's name was Ava, after her aunt Avaline." Beckett smiled at Castle. "So _that_ is one of the reasons I have given up my ability. I love Boo, Castle. I don't want another baby, I want Boo, Nana, Peanut, and whatever we decide its name is. I don't want to risk ending up with some baby that isn't this one and I don't want to live my life without you. I don't want to travel back because I nothing I have back then is better than what I have now."

Castle's face melted into a mask of tenderness as he pulled his love into his arms, holding her close, kissing her hair. "I love you, Katherine Beckett, and I can't wait to meet our baby, and I can't wait to spend the rest of my life showing you how much I love you."

Beckett only hummed in response, breathing him in and basking in his love for her.

Moments later, he lifted his head from hers and said, "I think it's about time we found out whether our Boo is a he-Boo or a she-Boo, don't you?"

Beaming up at him, Beckett replied, "I think so."


	11. The Sex Of the Baby

Beckett and Castle walked hand-in-hand to the OB/GYN, Alexis and Martha trailing behind. The Castles were all chattering excitedly, but Beckett was quiet, savoring the last few moments of unknown.

She felt a squeeze of her hand. "You okay?" Castle asked.

"I'm fine," she replied, a gentle smile flowing easily from her to him. "I'm just a little nervous is all."

Martha exclaimed from behind them. "Oh! Not to worry, dear, boy or girl doesn't matter as long as Boo is healthy."

Chuckling, she heard Alexis squeal and clap quietly behind her and she looked back to smile warmly at the young woman. "It's gonna be fine," Castle soothed.

"I suppose I'm just anxious to finally be able to put a gender with the personality I've come to know," she explained further.

Alexis scrunched up her nose behind the expectant couple. "Boo already has a personality?" Her question was so sincere, Beckett stopped cold in her tracks causing the rest to jerk to a halt.

Swinging around, Beckett took both Alexis's hands in her own and gave her the most sincere look she could muster as she apologized. "Oh, Alexis, I'm so sorry!" When the red-head looked even more confused, she continued. "Boo absolutely has a personality," she said, looping her arm through Alexis's as they continued walking toward their destination. "I think Boo's a little sassy. He _love_ spicy food, but not too often or he won't stop kicking me. He likes it when I lay on my left side, I think so he can see hear his daddy's bedtime stories better."

Rick's face softened as he discreetly listened to his wife tell his daughter about their child. "She can't stand sitting still for too long; she gets restless and it feels like she does flips in my belly." Turning, Rick sees that Alexis is absolutely enthralled at Kate's story, drinking in every last word, her free hand resting on Kate's belly, searching for the baby inside.

Seeing the younger woman's excitement, Kate continues. "Boo loves it when we sing to him. She gets really still and usually falls asleep."

"You can tell when Boo's asleep?" Alexis asked eagerly.

Kate nodded. "Sometimes. Like, in the morning if I have to wake up early, Boo does _not_ wake up with me. She doesn't move until she gets her first sip of coffee; I guess he doesn't know that my coffee is always decaf now." Alexis chuckles beside her.

Tentatively, Alexis plays with a strand of her hair and asks, "Kate, would you mind if I sang to Boo tonight? After all, he's my brother or she's my sister, and I want my voice to be known, too."

Beckett found Alexis's hand and squeezed. "Of course, Alexis. Any time you want."

"Thanks," Alexis whispered.

They finally made it to the doctor's office and into the waiting room. Kate sat between Castle, who had a protective arm around Beckett, and Alexis, who was studying Kate's stomach looking for any signs from her sibling. A bump rolled across the top of Beckett's belly and Alexis jumped, pointing at the spot that was now gone.

"Aw, that was Baby Boo!" she said enthusiastically. "Come back, little one. Sissy wants to play with you."

Everyone's faces lit up as Boo made another appearance in the form of a foot near Alexis on Beckett's right side. Alexis squeaked with joy. "Thank you, Little Bit." She paused for a moment before she leaned down, her lips hovering over Beckett's belly, and whispered, "I love you."

Alexis's Little Bit nearly kicked her nose.

XXXXXXXXXX

The wait isn't much longer. About two minutes later, the nurse pokes her head through the door and calls Beckett's name. As she and Castle begin toward the door, Beckett stops short and looks back to the two read-headed women. "Come on," she says with a smile. "Let's go see if Boo is a boy or a girl so we can finally get the kid a damn name."

A little shocked, Alexis and Martha stand and reverently follow the rest into the exam room. Beckett lies on the table and Castle stands by her head. Martha and Alexis take up the two visitor chairs and everyone waits for the ultrasound technician.

"Pink or blue," Alexis says softly, still in awe.

Kate chuckles and replies, "Neither. Boo can decide what colors to love, boy or girl. I'm going to paint the room something neutral so if it's a he and he loves pink, that's fine."

Turning to face her soon-to-be-stepdaughter, she just sees her nod and accept the decision. "Makes sense," she heard the girl utter quietly.

As the technician entered the room and prepared the machine, Castle's hand squeezed Beckett's just a little tighter. "You ready?" he asked.

"Definitely," she whispered, eyes shut tight, waiting to hear Boo's tiny heartbeat fill up the room. When it did, a slow, luxurious smile spread across her whole being. She felt the wand being wiggled around and pressed onto her belly until it stilled and Castle leaned down.

His voice was a whisper in her ear that filled her up with such hope, anticipation, anxiety, and fear all at once. "Open your eyes and meet your son."

XXXXXXXXXX

IT'S A BOY was written on the screen next to a little bit of gray amidst the black that was too small to be a hand, but too big to be a finger.

"And he's sucking his thumb!" Alexis was ecstatic. She was holding onto Martha's hand (Martha, who—for once—was stunned into silence), and bouncing her knees. "My Little Bit's a boy!"

While all this was happening, silent tears rolled down Beckett's cheeks; she didn't care. They slid gracefully down as she looked up at Castle, whose emotion mirrored her own as he kissed her forehead, her temple, whispered softly, "I love you, Kate. Thank you for this." His eyes glanced at the screen: their son.

"Oh, Castle, I love you so much."

The technician congratulated them, then slipped out the door to give the family some privacy. Alexis leaned over Kate's belly while Martha went to her head, hugging her as best she could while Beckett was mostly lying down. "I'm so happy for you both," she said, placing a hand on her son's cheek.

When Martha tapped Alexis's shoulder and nodded toward the door, Alexis smiled and kissed Beckett's belly before hugging her step-mom and exiting the room grinning from ear-to-ear.

Sitting up, Beckett held her arms out for Castle, who willingly went. After a long moment, he pulled back and said, "This is it, Kate. No going back." He didn't mean time travel and she knew that, but she looked at him so seriously and replied, "Never."

The happy little family walked home, chattering excitedly the whole way about names, who he'll look like, what he'll act like, etc.

While names were being tossed around, Alexis spoke up. "You guys call him whatever you want. To me, he'll always be my Little Bit." Kate wrapped her arm around the girl's shoulders and squeezed tight.

"Sounds perfect."


	12. The Room

"Castle!" He heard the shout from the bedroom as he was pouring orange juice into a glass for her. Running into the bedroom, he had to hold back his laughter at the sight before him. His beautiful wife-to-be was struggling to stand up on her own.

"Kate, what are you doing on the floor?" Yes, it was Saturday and, yes, she was nesting, but she knew she couldn't get up from the floor alone anymore. Little Boo was now taking up too much room, throwing off her center of gravity, and wreaking havoc on his mommy's nerves.

There was a huge eye roll that Rick felt more than saw. "This is insane," Kate fumed. "I refuse to not be able to function like a human being just because Boo has decided to take over two-thirds of my body!"

Walking around behind her, Castle hooked his arms under Beckett's; she was wriggling so much, he was afraid he'd drop her. "Honey, stay still or I'm going to drop you and I do not want to hurt my loves." He tried very hard to hide the smirk that followed her frustrated sigh.

Once Beckett was back on her feet, she tried to pick up all the folded onesies covering the floor. Bending and twisting and turning; no matter what she tried, she couldn't move Boo out of the way enough to reach the floor.

When Castle couldn't watch Beckett struggle any more, he said quietly, "Hey."

She looked up at him with a harsh glare that dissipated when she saw his sincerity. There was no hint of teasing or mockery in his expression, just slight amusement. "What?" Beckett asked, warning in her tone.

"I just wanted you to know," he began as he wrapped his arms (or tried to, anyway) around her waist, "how much I love you."

Beckett rolled her eyes and scoffed. "Yeah, I know, Castle, thanks. Now—" She tried to move out of his arms, but he held her fast.

"I'm serious, Kate," he said, smiling, nothing but adoration in his eyes. "I just want you to know how much I love you, even in little moments like this. When you're not doing anything particularly special, when you're flustered, when you're aggravated, when you're slap happy, and now when you're mad at little Boo for being too big and me for putting him there. In all these little moments, I love you more and more."

Despite herself, Beckett smiled, affectionately rolling her eyes at her sappy, wonderful man. She reached on her tiptoes to place a gentle kiss to his lips. "Thank you, Castle. I love you, too." He smiled back at her. "And I'm not mad at you, or Boo, even. I'm just ready to have my body back. I've got a lot to do to get ready for him and he's not making it very easy."

"Let me help," Castle said simply. "He's my son, too, you know."

Concern flashed across Beckett's face. "Of course he is, Castle. I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to leave you out. I just… I guess I've been so consumed with getting things ready for him and I forgot I needed—or could use—the help."

Castle smiled at her even more widely. "I'm not upset. I've actually been keeping an eye on you, making sure things like this don't happen more often than they have." He kissed the corner of her smile. "Come on. Let's get these onesies upstairs and finish setting up that crib, shall we?"

Beckett wrapped her arms around Castle's neck and squeezed him tight. "Thank you, Rick." Pulling back, she looked at him and said, "I love you."

"I love you, too." He beamed at her. Grabbing the onesies from the floor, he sat them on her belly. "Here, Boo, you hold these. They're yours, anyway."

Beckett laughed and placed her hand on top of the pile to hold them in place, following Castle up the stairs to what was once the spare room. In the last few days, it had been painted a soft gray and her rocking chair had been placed in the corner. Another, less-plush rocking chair sat alongside it: one for Mommy and one for Daddy. The changing table had been assembled yesterday and sat serenely under the window. Jim and Rick had been working together while Kate sat in her chair and read the instructions to them.

There was a half-finished giraffe painted where the crib would go—it was Alexis's project. Once it was finished, it would be looking over the edge of the crib, constantly watching the baby. It was Alexis's way of making sure her Little Bit was always safe.

Castle sighed upon entering the room. The crib was laying in pieces on the floor; that was to be their project for the day. The baby was due in just a couple weeks and they _needed_ to get this finished. Jim was coming in about an hour to help with the crib and Alexis would be home from school in a few hours to finish the giraffe.

"You ready for this?" Beckett asked as Castle sat down on the floor in front of the crib pieces.

Without looking at her, Castle responded, "Yeah, I mean, it'll be easier with your dad's help, but I think I can at least get started."

Behind him, Beckett absent-mindedly rubbed her belly. "That's not what I'm talking about," she said, so quietly it was almost a whisper.

When Castle turned around, he saw Beckett's worried look at jumped up to stand in front of her. "What's going through your head, sweetheart?" He knew, he just thought she needed to voice it.

"Castle, I have no idea what I'm doing. I don't know how to raise a baby! Am I ready to be a mom?"

Smiling at her softly and, taking her hands in his, he said, "No one's ever ready, Beckett, and no one think's they're going to be a good parent." She huffed in exasperation. " _But_ ," he continued, "I know that you love this little boy more than anything in the world, and because of that, I know that you're going to be an amazing mother."

Castle could tell she was trying not to cry; her breathing was shaky and he could see her swallow down the knot in her throat. He tried to lighten the mood some. "And besides, I have no idea what the hell I'm doing, either." That earned a tiny chuckle.

"You already have a kid, Castle," she needlessly pointed out.

He overemphasized his reaction. "Yeah, a _daughter_! And I have absolutely no idea how she turned out so well." Beckett laughed again. Castle continued. "I mean, I'm basically a child, her mother is—well, her mother, and my mother is a drama queen."

Beckett was smiling brightly now, feeling slightly more hopeful about the future. She kissed her fiancé. "Thank you for cheering me up."

"Always," he said. "And you have nothing to worry about, Beckett. You're already an amazing mother to Boo, and I know you're only going to get better from here. And we're doing this together. You will never be alone in this, okay?"

Resting her head on Castle's shoulder, Beckett wrapped her arms around his middle as best she could. "Thank you, Rick. I can wait to be Mommy-and-Daddy with you."

He hugged her back, saying, "I can't wait to watch you be a Mommy." He was kissing her hair when they heard a knock at the door.

"You get back to it," Beckett said, "and I'll go let Dad in."

XXXXXXXXXX

The door swung open and Jim stood there smiling, his tool belt in his hand. "Katie, hi."

"Hi, Dad," she said as he kissed her cheek. "Come on in." She stepped aside and let her dad into the living room. "Castle's already upstairs. If you wanna go ahead up, I'll bring you guys some water. Are you hungry?"

He shook his head and said, "No, I just ate before I came over."

"Okay," Beckett said. "Thanks for helping, by the way. Castle's never been the fixer-upper type, but he's determined to do as much for Little Boo as he can."

Jim walked over to his little girl and put his hand on her belly, immediately feeling something gliding under his palm. "And how is my little grandson today?"

Beckett smiled and put her hand over his, sliding it slightly to the left. "Well today, he's acting like a little David Beckham. He won't stop kicking me."

Jim chuckled at her. "You did the same thing, you know." Beckett smiled. As if on cue, there was a thud and a muffled moan from upstairs, followed shortly by an, "I'm okay!"

Pulling his hand from his daughter's stomach, Jim said, "I'd better get up there."

"Please," Beckett laughed. "I would love to still have a fiancé when Boo finally makes his appearance."

There was a pause. "Are you happy, Katie?" Jim asked her.

She looked at him almost incredulously. "Of course I am, Dad. I'm so happy."

Jim smiled. "Good." And with that, he made his way upstairs.

XXXXXXXXXX

By the time Alexis got home from school, the crib was set up in the middle of the room, giving her enough space to finish the giraffe once her homework was done.

"The giraffe looks great, Alexis," Jim said as the teen entered the living room.

"Thanks, Jim," she said. "I'm actually going to go finish it now." Then, looking to her dad, "You'll let me know when dinner's ready?"

Castle smiled at her. "Of course, pumpkin." And with that, Alexis was off.

The rest of the evening was spent talking about Alexis and Boo, Beckett's childhood stories that had her in stitches, and plans for the new arrival and eventual wedding. Dinner was enjoyed by all and when Beckett walked her dad to the door, he wrapped his arms around her and whispered to her, "Your mother would be so proud, Katie."

She tried to fight the tears that sprung to her eyes as she said, "Thanks, Dad. I love you."

"I love you, too," he said, then turned and walked down the hall and to the elevator.

XXXXXXXXXX

In bed that night, Castle was laying behind Beckett with his hand resting over her belly protectively. He thought she was asleep when he heard her barely whisper, "I'm scared to do this without my mom."

"Kate, she's always with you. I know it will never be the same and it will always be hard, but I am always, _always_ here for you."

She snuggled back into him just a little bit more and pulled his arm tighter around her. "I know." And with that, they fell asleep.


	13. The Scare

Another heavy thud resounded through the loft as Castle dropped the next box onto the floor in the bedroom.

"Okay, Kate, I love you, but you have way too many shoes," he said. He was still panting from carrying the heavy box from the car to the bedroom.

Beckett chuckled at him, smoothing her hand across his back in an attempt to comfort him. "I love you, too, but there's no such thing as too many shoes." She winked at him as her dad brought in a smaller box and sat it on the bed.

Clapping Castle on the back, Jim tossed in, "Don't worry, Rick. She's been like that since middle school."

Castle's groan caused everyone to laugh.

"I can stay at my place if you don't feel like you have enough room for me and my shoes," Beckett teased.

"Nonsense," Castle replied enthusiastically as he made his way to the closet. Once he swung the door open, Beckett's jaw dropped. The closet that she knew of, one which was full without being cluttered, was now half empty. "I cleaned it out the other day while you were at work. I'm more than ready for you to move in here with us."

"You said you were writing!" Beckett accused, walking into the spacious closet, overcome with gratitude for the man she loved. She heard his ' _I lied_ ' from the bedroom, but she didn't respond except to emerge from the closet that was now half hers and wrap her arms around his waist.

"Thank you," she whispered.

As he was kissing her hair, Alexis and Martha burst into the room with arms full of clothes on hangers. "Really," Alexis complained. "We're carrying loads of stuff in and you guys are snuggling?"

Everyone chuckled again as Castle and Beckett pulled away from one another. "Sorry, sweetie. You guys can lay those on the bed and we can hang them up while the boys get more stuff."

Jim and Castle grumbled as they trudged out of the room and back toward the car.

Soon enough, all of the stuff Beckett wanted to keep with her was at least in the loft. As the group disbanded, she profusely thanked everyone for their help and reassured them that she would finish unpacking this weekend—her last weekend off before Boo was to make his appearance.

She was almost at 8 months now and she was getting to the point where all she wanted was the baby in her arms and out of her belly. She was constantly tired, her ankles were huge, her boobs were tender, and he would kick her in the ribs sometimes so hard that tears would nearly well up in her eyes.

Castle was overwhelmingly supportive, though, always offering a backrub, never complained about the weird combination of foods she wanted, and rubbed her feet after a hectic day. Without him, she thought she would have been a complete wreck. Castle seemed to be her lifeline to sanity.

Him and Alexis. The teen was so unbelievably excited to meet her baby brother that she seemed to have found a new appreciation for Kate. She almost pampered Beckett, bringing home her favorite ice cream after school, spending the weekend days at home with her and her bit.

In fact, they had both become so attentive to Beckett that they noticed the change before she did.

"Kate, is something bothering you?" Alexis asked at dinner one night. "You seem like you're in pain or something."

Castle sat his fork down and nodded his agreement. "I agree. I noticed something this morning, but I wasn't going to say anything because you're grumpiest when you first wake up."

Briefly glaring at him for that comment, Beckett shook her head at Alexis. "It's nothing, I'm just getting a little more uncomfortable is all. Boo is almost 9 months big and I've never been a large woman. Just a tight fit is all. I'm fine."

Unfortunately, at that exact moment, a cramp went through her abdomen. When she winced a little, Castle covered her hand with his.

"Beckett, that doesn't look fine," Castle remarked.

His concern was mirrored in Alexis's eyes. "Yeah, Kate. Are you sure you're okay?"

Taking a deep breath and holding it, Beckett breathed through the next wave of cramping before answering. "I'm sure, sweetie. I'll be fine. I'm just going to try to walk it off and f it doesn't get better by morning, I'll get it checked out."

Beckett's reassurances did little to quell the Castles' fears. They spent the rest of the night on eggshells while Beckett tried to relax and breath through the pain. When a particularly strong wave went through her and she was unable to hold in a tiny whimper, she laid down on the couch and Castle raced to her from his office chair.

"Honey, let me call your OB/GYN, please?" he begged her. He hated seeing her in this much pain. And what if the baby was coming? He couldn't deliver him here, and though he was pretty sure his daughter was smart enough to figure out how, he didn't want to ask it of her.

The pain must have been very intense because Beckett agreed almost immediately. Alexis was already jogging toward them with the phone in her hand. "Here, dad."

"Thanks, pumpkin," he responded as he dialed the number he had memorized for reasons exactly like this. After a few rings, someone picked up the phone. "Hi, yes, this is Richard Castle. I'm calling for Kate Beckett and I was wondering if I could speak to a doctor, please?"

He had no idea where this calm was coming from because he was sincerely freaking out on the inside. It must have been to keep Beckett calm because there was panic in her eyes as she held her belly and continued to breathe. Alexis sat next to her feet, trying to comfort the older woman in whatever way possible.

Castle's conversation with the OB's office became sort of hazy while Beckett breathed through wave after wave of pain. They did seem to be getting less intense, but it still worried her so she didn't stop the conversation.

Before she realized how much time had passed, Castle was hanging up the phone and addressing his girls. "The nurse said they sounded like Braxton Hicks contractions but that we should go to the hospital just in case."

"I'm not so sure that's necessary, babe," Beckett began as Alexis shot off the couch to get her shoes. When everyone turned to her, shock on their faces, she said, "They're pretty much gone now. Just some light cramping at this point. I've read a lot about Braxton Hicks contractions and how to tell them apart from real ones."

Both the Castles sat and listened intently as Beckett explained further. "They started in my belly, not my back; they went away with rest; and I'm not certain about the dilation, but I'm probably no more dilated than I was two days ago at my appointment."

Alexis and Castle nodded, slightly more comfortable but still concerned. "I promise," Beckett added, "that if I still feel bad in the morning, I will go to the hospital." When nobody moved yet, Beckett quirked her eyebrow and asked, "Can we have dessert now?"

The two others smiled and made a dash for the ice cream while Beckett laughed and waited to be served.

Later that evening, as she and Castle were lying in bed, he asked if she was still feeling badly.

"Not at all," she responded, "other than not being able to sleep on my back or your chest, I'm peachy."

He chuckled at her. "Soon enough our little guy will be lying in his bassinet next to us and we can get back to our lovely, snuggly ways." Leaning over, he kissed her sweetly on the lips.

Beckett shifted onto her side facing Castle. "So what story do you have for us tonight, Dad?"

"Hmmm," he thought for a moment before diving into some silly story about the three of them, Alexis, and Martha living on Mars. When he was done, she was sleepy, but still awake.

Humming slightly, Castle picked up on the tune and began singing along with her. Together, they sang 'Over the Rainbow' together softly until she felt her body growing heavy with sleep. The being inside of her stilled after one last kick for his daddy and the next thing she knew, their little family was asleep.


	14. The Hitch

Another two weeks passed quite uneventfully. Beckett got her things unpacked and really settled into her new home, Castle continued to go to work with her, sometimes staying on desk duty with her, sometimes going out with the boys. She didn't mind; she enjoyed the quiet time alone with Boo, being able to talk to him, share things with him, and feel his kicks inside her.

That all came crashing down around her when someone tried to break into Montgomery's house. The case caused her to spiral again, only instead of running at the lead head-on, she had to sit at her desk and protect her child from everything that was happening around her. She had to trust Ryan and Espo to do what she could not.

Constantly, she was texting them asking for updates, calling them wondering how things were going, badgering them while they were there.

Then they had a location for Lockwood. She begged the boys to let her tag along, told them she'd stay in the car, but they—and everyone else—had insisted she stay at the precinct. Begrudgingly, she had agreed, a small, evil voice in the back of her head whispering to her telling her that she could always go back and do it her way the second time.

As soon as the thought floated through her mind, her stomach lurched. She couldn't do that; she knew that. But travelling was like an addiction, especially if she thought she could fix something that had gone wrong for a ridiculous reason. Her body felt alive with anticipation. She was nearly shaking, her eyes locked on the phone on her desk, waiting for the call from her boys. Castle had been adamant that he stay with her to provide her support, but she wanted him there with the boys in case something happened and they couldn't call, Castle could stay back and let her know what was going on.

Sitting at her desk, her hand running over her stomach, she got a call, but not from Castle. It was from Ryan. Something had gone horribly wrong and before she could realize what was happening, her purse was on her shoulder, her keys were in her hand and her chair was spinning behind her as she shot up and made toward the elevator. She ignored Gates's orders to stop and jammed her finger into the down button.

The whole elevator ride down, her mind was spinning a mile a minute. Espo had been knocked out and Castle had been thrown off a building? What the hell had happened?

Beckett hardly processed anything other than the need to get to Castle throughout the whole drive. She was nearly in a panic by the time she pulled up to the building, and tears were ready to fall by the time the elevator opened on the roof.

But then she saw him. As soon as her eyes landed on his face, standing there next to Ryan and the rest of the SWAT guys, she let out a sob of relief. As soon as Castle heard her sob of relief, he burst through the crowd of people around him to run toward her.

"Castle," she sobbed as his arms wrapped around her. Boo was a tad bit in the way, but the nudges from Kate's belly to Castle's served as an affirmation to them both.

"Shh," he cooed. One hand was in the center of her back, the other cradling her head. "It's okay, Beckett, I'm okay."

Her tears were soaking his button down as they swayed on the roof after yet another near-death experience. After several minutes passed, Beckett pulled away from Castle only slightly, still needing the comfort of his proximity, and asked him what had happened.

As he wiped the tears from her cheeks, he began his story. "Espo and Ryan went in first, I stayed by the car like I said I would." He kept rubbing her belly to comfort himself, finding that his son's kicks did more to calm him than just about anything. "But then I heard gunshots, so I ran inside."

Beckett made a noise of disbelief as her stomach dropped thinking of her fiancé running into a gun fight without any protection or defense. He was quick to sooth her, though, his thumb smoothing over her cheek bone where his hand had remained cradling her head. "I was careful," he immediately remedied, not like it helped.

"Anyway, when I got to the right apartment, Espo was out cold and I saw Ryan's foot before it disappeared up the stairs to the roof. After I checked to make sure Javi was okay, I followed Lockwood and Ryan up." Beckett's eyes were closed, fighting more tears, and her hand had come to rest over his. "When I got up to the roof, Lockwood was kneeling over Ryan with his fist in the air."

Eyes sliding open, Beckett looked horrified for her partner and glanced over at him to make sure that he was really okay. She had seen Espo awake in the ambulance downstairs, so she already knew that he was okay. Looking back to Castle, she nodded for him to continue.

"I couldn't let Lockwood do that to Ryan, you know? He could have killed him." She nodded. "I ran at him and tackled him off Kevin, but I guess I went too hard because next thing I knew I was falling."

Her body was overcome with adrenaline once again at the thought of Castle hanging off the side of the building. She placed her forehead over his heart and fisted his shirt in her hands, refusing to let him go until the pounding in her heart slowed. "Then what happened?"

"Then I guess Ryan pretended to be unconscious or Lockwood got a little hurt when I tackled him because Ryan and the SWAT guys got to me and pulled me up." He would never tell her that it felt like years that he was hanging there, their whole relationship flashing before his eyes. Images of Alexis and Kate in his living room surrounded by little Castles with their mom's eyes and his nose. That he imagined everything their son would become and everything he wished for him went through his head in the minutes it took for enough people to arrive to hoist him back to safety. That one of his hands slipped off the ledge and he wasn't far from losing his grip on the building. No. She didn't need to know that.

Before she responded to his story, she took a deep breath, needing to recover for a moment. When she did, it was only to whisper to him, "This never should have happened, Castle."

Framing her head in his hands, he pulled her back so he could look at her. His eyes shone with his sincerity as he said, "Kate, I know that this was scary, but imagine what would have happened if I hadn't been here."

Denial rushed through her like a tidal wave and she shook her head. "No. This isn't supposed to happen. Not right now. Not—" she was cut off by a contraction that had her grabbing onto Castle's forearms and crying out.

"Beckett?" Castle asked, the panic now in _his_ voice. "What's wrong?"

Eyes sliding closed, Beckett took a minute to breathe through the pain before it let up. When it did, she looked up at Castle with a panicked look in her eyes. "I think I just had a contraction."

Even as realization washed over Castle's features, Beckett felt a warmth cascading down her legs and heard a small splash. She and Castle looked at one another as she whispered, "My water just broke."


	15. The Trip

Beckett was panting from the passenger side of her car as Castle set them at a screaming pace down the street, frantically looking over at her every twenty-two seconds. She was watching.

"Castle," she snapped.

"What?!" he yelled back at her.

"Stop looking over here. I'm fine, just please watch the road so you actually get to _meet_ our baby." He kind of stopped at her words and just looked at her, taking in her calm demeanor and finding peace where he had none.

He refocused his eyes back on the road and took a deep breath. He could do this; he's done it before. Sort of. Trying to match his breathing with every other one of her breaths, he focused on getting his family to the hospital in one piece until he felt her hand on his thigh, her grip fierce.

Without even looking at her, he squeaked out a "What's wrong?"

A long breath left her and he took the moment to glance at her. Offering him a small smile, she rested her head back on the headrest and softly spoke. "Just a stronger contraction is all. I'm fine."

Since she seemed so calm, Castle decided to stop at the red light instead of turning on the sirens and lights and blazing through. Looking at her for a moment, she seemed outwardly calm, but he knew her tells and knew that wasn't the case. The hand that wasn't on his thigh was fisted in her lap, there was the slightest crease in her brow, she was biting at the inside of her cheek and her eyes were looking through traffic instead of at it.

"Beckett, what are you thinking?"

She seemed to startle a little before she looked back at him, eyes stony. "Rick, our lives are about to change so completely and I just—" Another contraction interrupted their conversation, her hand squeezing his thigh again. Castle's face contorted into one of pity until a car honked behind him and he hit the gas, lurching the car forward.

When Castle glanced over to his fiancée, he saw that her eyes were squeezed shut and she was biting her lip. His heart ached for her; he wanted nothing more than to take her pain away. "Oh, sweetheart, just hold on. We're almost to the hospital, okay?"

Humming her acknowledgement, nodding her head up and down she began to relax as the contraction faded. "Yeah. Is Alexis on her way? And Martha? Do they know?" She seemed slightly frantic, but his heart swelled just a little knowing that she wanted his family—their family—at the hospital with them.

"Yeah, Kate, they're on their way," he said as calmly as he possibly could. "I had Ryan call them." Then, with a chuckle, he added, "And besides, do you think Alexis would miss a second of her Little Bit's birth?"

That had a smile breaking open Beckett's face. Tossing the hair out of her face and rolling her eyes affectionately at the memory of the young woman crouched in the baby's room, Beckett smiled at the thought of the soon-to-be-sister. Hair falling out of her high ponytail and yellow paint spattering her clothes and cheek, eyebrows scrunched in concentration as she put the finishing touches on the giraffe, Alexis was too into her painting to realize that Kate had silently taken a picture of her—one that Alexis would soon find sitting on Boo's dresser.

Just as Castle was pulling into the parking garage, another contraction hit. Grabbing Castle's hand, Beckett tried breathing through this one like she had the rest, but this one was strong. Her brow furrowed in concentration, Beckett focused on her breathing and tried to relax her whole body. That's when she heard it: the small voice in the back of her mind whispering to her that this is her last chance to see her mom before she can't ever go back again.

Eyes popping open at the thought, her grip on Castle released. "You okay?" He asked.

Taking a deep breath, her eyes darted over to him, then back out the windshield in an attempt to buy herself some time. "Yeah," she replied tightly, "let's go have a baby." Castle beamed at her as he leaned over the console and gently kissed her.

Together, they walked out of the garage and into the hospital, checking in and pausing every few minutes to work through a contraction. Once they had her all settled into her room and hooked up to all the machines, Beckett looked at Castle hesitantly, that small voice in the back of her head now nearly screaming at her. The want to see her mother was so extreme, she was nearly shaking with it, panic rising up in her chest until Castle finally sat on the bed beside her and grabbed her hand.

"Hey." His voice so calm and reassuring, his hand so warm and comforting. Her eyes welled up with tears. "I know you're nervous about having the baby and I know you're terrified to do this without your mom. . ." At the mention of her mother, Beckett sucked in a breath and squeezed her eyes shut but didn't say anything as Castle continued. ". . .but, sweetheart, you must know that you're going to be an amazing mother. I know it."

"Castle, please," Beckett said so desperately. He had never heard her so desperate, not since Montgomery, maybe not even then. "Please let me go back, Castle, please! Just once, I swear."

His face hardened visibly, his grip on her hand tightening painfully as he sucked in a breath through his nose. "Kate—"

Tears were flowing freely now as she gripped him and cried out with the contraction that consumed, but she pushed through, too much panic consuming her. "I know, Castle, I know what I said, but this is the last chance I will have _ever_ to see my mom again. You get to see your mom every day, Castle, but mine is gone from this earth forever. Please, _please_ just let me go say goodbye. I will never even _ask_ to go back again in my life. I promise."

Castle did nothing but stare at her for what felt like years. Another contraction washed over her and she fought to keep her eyes open and locked with his, attempting to converse through eye contact as they so often did.

Closing her eyes once again, she brokenly whispered as tears streamed down her cheeks, "Please, Rick. Just five minutes with my mom so she can meet her grandson."

His heart shattered. He knew how much she missed her mother, but she had promised never to go back again. She was risking their son. What if she came back and it was a different baby in her belly? He wanted Boo, not someone else. "What if you go and when you come back, it isn't our baby? I don't want someone I don't know, Kate."

"Rick, I would never put our baby in danger, okay? You know that. If I come back and I have even the slightest doubt that this isn't him," she put her hand protectively on her round stomach, "I'll go back to before I went back the first time, I swear to you. I'll have said goodbye to Mom and we'll still have our beautiful, wonderful son. I'll get the memory and we'll get our baby. Please, Rick, you have to understand how important this is to me."

"Kate, I know exactly how important this is to you, okay, but this is hard! You swore to me that you would never go back after you lied to me and robbed me of the memory of _conceiving our son_ , and now you're asking me to _let you_ break that promise at the risk of our child!" Castle had stood from the bed and was pacing, swiping his hand down his face, nearly shouting at her until another contraction rolled through her.

Looking up at him with desperate, pleading eyes, Beckett once again whispered, "Please, Castle. We're running out of time."

After what seemed like days, Castle whispered back to her from the other side of the room, frozen like stone, "Fine. But, please Kate, bring me back our son."

Struggling to stand upright, Beckett walked over to Castle and framed his face in her hands, placing a sweet, wet kiss to his lips. "Thank you, Rick. I love you. We'll be back soon, I promise." He didn't even turn around as she walked into the bathroom and shut the door.

XXXXXXXXXX

Travelling while pregnant was difficult, probably more so because she was in labor. That didn't really matter to Beckett, though, since she was about to visit her mom. It was just a Saturday afternoon that Beckett knew would find her mother alone in the kitchen, her father at lunch with coworkers, her younger self at Maddie's.

Sure enough, when Beckett turned the corner into the kitchen, there was her mother making cookies for the slumber party she would be hosting later that night. For just a moment, Kate just watched her mother move around the kitchen, dancing and humming along with the radio. As another contraction washed over her, she sucked in a breath, trying desperately to be quiet and failing. Her mother spun around and her eyes grew wide. "Katie?!"

"Hi, mom," Beckett grimaces as she reaches for a chair. "I can't stay for long, obviously, but I wanted to see you."

"Katie?" Johanna asks, completely bewildered. "You're pregnant!"

"Yes," Kate chuckles, "but not for much longer, so we need to make this quick."

Johanna's face grows somber as she realizes what this visit from Kate means: Johanna isn't with her during labor, and the only way she wouldn't be there is if. . . "Oh, Katie," she whispers as she sits in the chair next to Beckett's and takes her hand.

Beckett's eyes fill with tears as she begins. "It's a boy, mom. We call him Boo. He loves waking me up in the middle of the night with his somersaults and he loves his daddy's voice even more."

"And his dad. . .?" she trails off.

A huge smile crosses Beckett's face, one that brings a little light back to Johanna. "Probably the last person you will ever think to guess."

Thinking for a moment, Johanna seems to give up and says, "Oh, just tell me, Katie!"

Smirking mischievously, Beckett looks shyly at her mother and says, "Richard Castle." It sounds more like a question than a statement.

Much to Kate's delight, Johanna's face is a mixture of joy and shock until she is finally able to squeak out a, " _What_?!"

Laughing a little, Beckett shook her head. "I wish I could tell you all about it, mom, I really do. Just know that he's nothing like what we used to see on Page 6; he's an amazing, wonderful, sweet, caring man and he loves me more than anything."

Johanna's eyes were so soft and a little watery, "And you, Katie?"

Kate took a deep breath, her eyes welling up and making their way to stare at the ceiling in an attempt to keep the tears at bay. "I'm so incredibly lucky to have him, mom. He and this baby are the best things that have ever happened to me. We're stupid in love with one another and we're getting married."

Holding her left hand for her mother to inspect, Johanna can barely breath at all the news. Another contraction overtook Beckett, this one seemingly stronger than the last. When she looked up to her mother, she saw Johanna had tears streaming down her face. "Baby girl, I'm so happy for you, and so proud of you. I suspect that there's a reason you're visiting me now, so I'll just say this: live in your present, Katie. Love that man and love that little boy with all your heart and don't let the pain of life prevent you from living."

"Oh, mom," Kate said as she threw her arms around her mother. "I love you so much. Thank you for everything."

Johanna squeezes her daughter a little tighter. "I love you, too, Katie. More than you'll ever know. I'm so happy for you and so proud of the woman you've become, and I'm so sorry I can't be there for this day. Just know I love this little boy with all my heart."

Kate Kisses her mom's cheek as she pulls away from the embrace. "Mom, I need to go. I love you so much."

"I love you, too, Katie-bug," Johanna whispered through her tears. Beckett didn't even bother going somewhere private to go back to her present. Her mom knew how it worked; she had nothing to hide.

The last thing she saw before reappearing in her hospital room was her mother's smile.


	16. The Baby

Beckett can't control the sobs when she feels the uncomfortable hospital mattress underneath her. Before she has any time to process the last three minutes, Castle is there, arms wrapped around her, kissing her temple and shusing her. "Beckett, are you okay?" he pleads with her.

Coincidentally, a contraction rips through her body and she cries out. He breaths with her through the contraction, still frantic, waiting to hear about the status of his baby boy. Once the contraction passes, he asks quietly, "Well? How is he?"

Putting a hand to her stomach, Beckett just smiles at him. But before she can answer him with words, the nurse reappears. "How are we doing?"

A squeeze to Castle's hand from his fiancé grabs his attention. "Everything's fine, Anne. Really." The parents-to-be make eye contact and in that moment he knows that everything is, actually, fine. Their baby boy is still their baby boy and he should make his fabulous debut quite soon. Relief swamps his senses and it takes everything in him not to collapse on Beckett.

"I'm just here to check you again; see if you're any more dilated." Anne quietly interrupts their moment.

Castle swallows his tears and moves to stand at the head of the bed, Beckett lying down for the nurse. Once the exam is over, Castle sits on the chair next to Beckett's bed and watches her carefully. Finally, after he can take no more, he interlocks his fingers, resting his elbows on his knees and asks. "How was it?"

Looking at him with an expression he rarely sees from Kate Beckett (maybe nostalgia?), she takes a deep breath and swallows. "Oh, Castle, it was amazing. She was just as I remembered her. Happy, she looked so happy, and she was so excited about us and the baby." Silent tears slid down her cheeks, but she rallied, saw Castle's gentle smile and felt so overwhelmed.

"Babe, I want you to know how much that trip meant to me." When he tried to shake off her thanks, she grabbed his hands and kissed his knuckles. "No, Rick I'm serious. You're probably the most selfless person I know. Even after I promised I wouldn't go back, you gave me one last opportunity to see my mom and there is nothing in this world that I will be able to do to make that up to you."

Again, that soft smile that has come to melt her heart reappeared on his face. "Kate, you know that it makes me uncomfortable when you travel, and since you were taking Boo with you, I was extremely hesitant." Her brow furrowed and he gently placed his palm over her cheek. "But I trust you, Kate. And I wouldn't want you to miss the last opportunity you have to see your mom. You'd end up resenting me for it in the long run."

When she tried to protest, he shook his head to silence her. "It's okay, Beckett. I would resent me, too. And besides, nothing happened to the baby, right?"

Her head shook furiously. "No, Castle, he's fine." She rubbed her belly just as the next contraction hit. She panted through it with Castle's help, and asked when it was over, "How far along am I? I've got to be close, right?"

Beckett could tell he wasn't going to give her an answer she wanted as soon as she asked. He shifted restlessly from foot to foot and wore a guilty expression. "Well, you've made progress." She leveled him with a glare that had him sighing in preparation. "You're five centimeters."

"Five?!" Beckett barked. "That's impossible, I feel like I'm at 42," she pouted, her hand moving to rub her belly again.

Sitting down next to her hip, Castle spoke up. "I have an idea, why don't we try the shower?" When Beckett just glared at him, he offered her a smile and explained: "The warm water will relax your muscles."

With an exasperated sigh, Beckett agreed. Together, they made their way into the shower. . .and out of the shower. And back and forth in the halls. And on the birthing ball. For hours the two of them slowly worked their way from five centimeters to 9, at which point, the sun was about to rise on a new day. Both their nerves were frayed and Beckett was near tears from exhaustion.

Finally, as Beckett laid in bed with Castle holding her hand, as contractions rolled together and the pain was constant, Anne came back into the room.

"I've seen you guys working to progress the labor. Shall we see if you're ready to push?" Anne was far too bubbly for the amount of exhaustion they were feeling, especially since her shift was almost over.

Despite the exhaustion, Beckett managed a smile. "Please," she said to Anne. "I'm so ready to get this kid out of me."

Anne laughed as she put her glove on and Castle stood, once again, by Beckett's head, ever the dutiful fiancé. "I bet you are. Hopefully you'll have that last centimeter and we'll be able to start your trial pushing."

Beckett's hand tightened around Castle's while Anne was doing her exam, but it didn't last long at all. Anne snapped her glove off with a beaming smile. The expecting couple looked at her with barely-contained expectation.

"Well," Anne finally said. "Are you guys ready to have a baby?"

Both Castle's and Beckett's jaws dropped as they looked at each other. "Wow," Beckett whispered.

"I know," Castle chuckled. "You ready for this?"

Flashing back to her visit with her mom, Beckett could almost feel Johanna's presence in the room while she took a deep breath. "Yeah," she whispered, "let's do this."

XXXXXXXXXX

Anne's shift ended about an hour into pushing, but she stayed with Castle and Beckett until finally, at 7:32 a.m., their beautiful little boy made his appearance. Castle cried, Beckett looked at him in awe, Alexis laughed and cried next to Martha, who was watching her son and his son with such tenderness.

After what seemed like hours, everyone was okay, baby was diapered on Beckett's chest, and family were the only ones in the room. Beckett was dozing despite a futile attempt at staying awake, not wanting to miss a second of her son's life.

Quietly, so as not to disturb Beckett, Martha asked Castle: "So have you decided on a name for our little prince yet?"

Castle finally tore his eyes away from his new family long enough to glance at his mother before landing them right back on his son's sleeping face. "No. We haven't really had time to talk about it yet. Everything has been happening so fast and then she took her trip last minute—"

He jolted out of his rambling long enough to realize that he had said something he shouldn't have. Alexis and Martha were both looking at him with quizzical expressions. "What trip, dad?"

Luckily, he didn't have to lie too much. "To see her mom, pumpkin," he rushed out. "She wanted to visit her mom's grave one more time while she was still able."

That answer, which was not a complete lie, seemed to satisfy his curious redheads. They both seemed to relax a little and resumed their perusal of Boo's sweet, sleeping face.

"I think he should be Alex," Beckett said into the silence.

Castle startled at her admission, bringing his eyes up to hers. "What?" he asked dumbly, his face blank.

She smiled at him sweetly. "Alex, for Alexander." Martha gasped slightly and a tight knot formed in Castle's throat.

"You want to name him after me?" he asked, hushed.

"Yeah," Beckett responded. "Look at him, Castle, he's a carbon copy of you: same nose, same eyes, same hair. Well, for now anyway."

Everyone chuckled. "Alexander James Castle," Beckett said finally.

Castle leaned over and kissed Beckett softly on the lips. "It's perfect."


	17. The Bedtime Story

Their son was happily suckling away at Beckett while Castle was preparing dinner. She was humming quietly at the baby while he ate until he finally got his fill and broke away from his mommy.

"You full up, sweet boy?" Beckett cooed quietly at him. She sat him on her leg, his chin in the cup of her hand as she patted his back until he released a burp. "Woah, good one, Jamie," she laughed quietly. They had decided on the nickname for him when they saw Jim holding the baby and realized he was more James than Alexander.

Just then, Castle appeared at her side, a plate in his hands. "All right, little man, it's Dad time so Mommy can eat." She watched them as she ate, smiling gently as the love of her life rubbed his massive palm on their tiny baby boy's back, coaxing him to sleep with his gentle touch and deep breathing.

Her heart could burst, she was so full of love for these two. Castle was an amazing father and seeing him with Jamie just made her fall in love with him exponentially more than she already had. It was unbelievable. Her life was unbelievable.

The day before, they had taken Jamie to meet his grandmother, not like Beckett would want them to meet, but it was the best they could do. Castle and Beckett had brought a picnic basket, laid the blanket out in front of Johanna's stone and talked to her as they ate, Jamie sleeping quietly in his carseat. Beckett had cried and Castle had held her until their little man woke up and demanded food. He ate and then they went home.

She hasn't travelled since the day Jamie was born, hasn't even wanted to. All she could ever need or want was right in that room with her. And she had her mother with her in her memory.

Castle's voice broke her out of her thoughts. "Wanna put him down with me?"

"Always," she responded quickly, bringing a smile to his lips that had one of her own forming. Together they made their way upstairs, Castle carrying Jamie in his arm, his other hand laced with Beckett's. Castle changed Jamie's diaper as Beckett got his pajamas and sleeper ready. They worked together in this as in all things: perfectly in sync, as a team.

Once Jamie was changed, Beckett looked at Castle and said, "It's my turn to hold him." Castle waited for Beckett to remove her shirt and bra before he handed Jamie over to her in just his diaper. They took turns doing kangaroo care with him as they put him to sleep. Beckett sat down with him in the glider and began rocking as Castle watched, amazed at how easily Beckett had taken to being a mother. She made it seem effortless the way she could calm Jamie when he was fussy, the way she could make him smile with just her voice.

Beckett and Jamie curled up in the glider, Castle covered them with a blanket to keep warm (and in case Alexis came into the room to wish her Little Bit a goodnight, which she often did) and began telling a story.

"Once upon a time, there was a princess. She was a beautiful young woman with bright green eyes and such silky hair. Her parents were two wonderful, smart, strong people who loved their princess very much."

Kate was smiling at him as he spoke, already knowing where this story would end up.

He continued. "Well one day, that princess's mommy came to her and said, 'One day soon, I'll have to leave you, my little love, and you won't be able to come find me.' The princess didn't understand, but the Queen wouldn't explain what she meant, only gave her a locket to wear around her neck. But then, just as the Queen had said to her little princess, she was gone. No one knew what had happened to her."

Not quite exactly where she thought this was going, but she was still pretty sure she knew the general direction. She was, after all, going to be marrying him soon.

"The little princess looked and looked for her mother, the Queen, but never found her. She went through life sad and confused, but she was strong and she never gave up hope."

Beckett was getting lost in his words, a scene coming to life in her mind. The royal family looked suspiciously like her own.

"One night, the princess had snuck out of the tower to look for the Queen when she ran into the stable boy, just a few years older than her. They both froze. He was worried about looking suspicious, she worried that he would wake the King. Instead, the stable boy tells her that he, too, is looking for the Queen."

A fond smile crosses Beckett's face as she allows Castle to send her to another land, Jamie long since asleep on his mother's chest. Oh, how she loves her guys.

"As you can imagine, the princess was hesitant at first, to let the stable boy help her find the Queen, but eventually she found his knowledge of the village and its folklore helpful, and so they formed a partnership. Night after night the princess would leave her tower and meet the stable boy by the fallen oak at the edge of the forest and he would tell her any information he was able to collect. They went on like this for years with no luck. The Queen was truly gone. The most they ever found out was that the King from a more powerful land had a secret only the princess' mother knew, but they could do nothing."

Beckett's eyes had slid shut and it seemed like she was dreaming as he finished up his story.

"But," he spoke softly, "the princess and the stable boy fell in love and were married three years later. While they both still continue in their search for the Queen, the princess knows that whenever her heartache gets to be too much, all she has to do is open the locket around her neck and there is a picture of their family, right by her heart."

Castle finished his story and stood, slowly peeling the blanket down from his sleeping family and gently removed Jamie from her arms. When she woke, he smiled softly at her and told her to get dressed. Successfully not waking Jamie, Castle put him in his pajamas, then in his sleeper, then into his crib.

As he and Beckett were walking down the stairs, she linked her arm through his and said, "So you're a stable boy now, huh?"

"Ha!" he responded, his chuckle reverberating through her arm and straight to her heart. "Well it seemed right at the time. And it added a layer of scandal. The princess and the stable boy?"

She laughed at him as they made their way back into the living room and sat down on the couch. "I meant it, you know?"

Beckett's brow furrowed as she met his gaze. "Meant what?"

His gaze was piercing. "The sentiment of the story? That the stable boy helped the princess for years, fell in love with her and married her. That's my life, Kate. I'm just a stable boy who fell in love with a princess while helping her search for justice for her mom." Kate's smile blossomed across her face, soft and sweet. "And I'll continue to help until we find him. I promise."

Heart in her throat, Kate closed the small distance between them, pressing her lips gently to his. "I know," she whispered. "Thank you, Rick." She pulled away from him after a long moment of enjoying his closeness before standing up and heading to their bedroom.

"Come on," she tossed over her shoulder. "This princess wants to love her stable boy."

He followed her immediately.


	18. The Wedding

_Six months later:_

"Come here, Jamie boy!" Alexis chirped from the other side of the living room. She was on her hands and knees on the soft carpet, her little brother in a similar position grinning at her wildly. At his babble, Alexis laughed. "I know, sweet boy, but if you wanna play with me you've got to crawl over here. I know you can do it; I saw you do it yesterday!"

Jamie's smile grew bigger, if that was possible, and he began the slow process of making his way over to his big sister. His crawl was funny, but he was still learning. Before they knew it, he'd be into everything. With Alexis' encouragement, Jamie crawled across the rug into his sister's waiting arms.

When he reached her, she picked him up and tossed him into the air, blowing raspberries on his belly upon catching him. His laugh echoed throughout the loft. "Good job, Bit! I'm so proud of you!"

Beckett took that opportunity to fully enter the room from Castle's office where they had been going over wedding decorations together. "He's getting good at that, isn't he?"

Alexis picked Jamie up as she and Beckett made their way into the kitchen. "Yeah," Alexis replied.

Beckett walked up to them and took Jamie's cheeks in her palms. Mushing his chubby cheeks together, she looked into his ice blue eyes and cooed at him. "You gotta stop growing, baby. You're getting too big already!"

Laughing, Alexis passed the baby over so she could start on lunch for the three of them. "Where's Dad?"

"Oh, he's emailing the wedding planner all of our decoration decisions. I think the waiting is driving him crazy. I'm pretty sure that if I told him to take me to the courthouse tomorrow so we could elope, he'd do it in a heartbeat."

"Ah," Alexis replied while she dug around in the fridge and Beckett put Jamie in his highchair. "So did you decide on the flower arrangements we looked at the other day?"

Beckett, having just gotten the baby settled, turned to her almost-step-daughter and smiled. "Yes! They're perfect, don't you agree?"

Alexis smiled back as she put the pasta in the boiling pot on the stove. "I do. I'm so excited! I can't believe it's almost here!"

As Beckett huffed a laugh and murmured, "You're telling me," Castle walked into the kitchen.

"And what are my two favorite ladies discussing?"

"The wedding," they replied in unison.

They both watched as Castle tensed up, then forced himself to relax.

He smiled at them. "Yes, well. Let's just say I'll be glad when the wedding is over with. I'm just ready to have a wife and be a family, you know?" he finished at their stares.

Beckett's eyes softened at that. "I know, babe. Me too."

It was a beautiful day. The sun was shining and the breeze was gentle; it wasn't too hot and the ocean was calm, the waves breaking gently on the shore. Their little canopy had been set up the night before, the chairs were being put in place at the moment, and the aisle was being marked by flower petals. Beckett was pacing in front of the door to the balcony of the master suite. She, Lanie, Martha, and Alexis were all getting ready. Since Kate was the bride, she had gone first. Her hair was done, the soft waves half up and half down; her makeup was perfect. All she had to do was get dressed.

Lanie was fixing Alexis's hair while Martha was putting the final touches on her own makeup. After securing the last wave of red hair with a bobby pin, Lanie turned on Beckett.

"Girl," Lanie snapped. "Will you please stop pacing? You're making me anxious."

Beckett turned back to them, her face painted with the same anxiety Lanie was threatening to employ, her hands twisting in front of her. "Sorry, Lane," Beckett muttered, eyes immediately returning to the window where the placement of the flowers was being finalized by the wedding planner.

"Hey." Beckett startled when she heard Lanie's voice so close behind her. When she turned around, she saw nothing but happiness on her best friend's face. "It's going to be beautiful, Kate."

The smile that crossed Beckett's face only lasted a second before it was replaced by the same anxiety from moments earlier. "I just wish I could see them, you know? Just for a second to make sure this is really happening. It feels like a dream, Lanie."

Just then, as if her dad had read her thoughts, the door to the bedroom opened and a squeal caught Beckett's attention. She whipped her head around and saw her dad with her baby and she beamed at them.

"You can't see Castle yet, sweetie, but you can have all the time with your little man you want," she heard Lanie say, but she was already on her way to scoop up her baby from his grandpa. Jamie grinned toothlessly at her and Jim laughed, taking in his only daughter, still in her robe.

His face clouded over for a split second before he kissed her cheek and whispered, "Your mother would be so proud, Katie."

Fighting desperately to keep the tears at bay, she responded, "Thanks, dad."

"Dadadadada," Jamie squealed from Kate's arms, his smile lighting hers up even more. He'd been saying _Dada_ for a few weeks now, and he could almost say _Mama_ , but he wasn't quite there yet. Castle cried the first time his baby boy had called him Dada.

Laughing, she shook her head. "I carried you in me for nine months, breast fed you for ten (in fact, I'm _still_ giving you bedtime feedings), and you go and say 'Dada' first. I see how it is." Jamie laughed back at her, finding something shiny on her robe and exploring further.

"Hey baby," she pinched his chin to regain his attention, "can you say 'Mama'?" Jamie looked at her curiously, so she repeated, " _Ma-ma_."

Jamie put his chubby little hand on Beckett's cheek and finally did it. "Mamamamama."

Beckett's face absolutely lit up. She didn't think she had ever smiled so big in her life. Her eyes grew wet as she looked down at her sweet son, his chestnut hair and sky blue eyes, chubby cheeks and dimples. "That's right, baby. I'm Mama. Now gimme a kiss."

The rest of the ladies had been watching from the background and after Jamie had given his mother a 'kiss', Martha scurried to the door to shoo Jim away so they could finish getting ready.

"Now can you say Lexis?" came a voice from behind Beckett. Swallowing the lump in her throat and swiping the unshed tear from her eye, Beckett turned around and looked at Jamie expectantly.

As the baby grinned and reached to pat his sister's cheek, he quietly babbled _Mamamama_ , much to his mother's delight. "Sorry, Alexis. You'll have to wait just like I did."

"That's okay," Alexis cooed, tickling her brother's neck. "It'll happen right when I least expect it. Probably when I need it most." As if in answer, Jamie grinned at her, his two little teeth peeking out from his gums.

Suddenly, Martha swoops in and retrieves her grandson from his mother's arms. Before Beckett can protest, Martha holds up a hand. "Ah. Don't you fret, darling, you can have him back just after you get dressed. The ceremony is about to start."

Inhaling a shuddering breath, Beckett smacks one last kiss to Jamie's cheek and then moves to stand in front of her gown. While Lanie unzips the bag, Beckett's breath catches. The elegant swoop of the neckline, the cap sleeves that will sit just below her shoulders, the small gathering at her waist and the flowing skirt brought a radiant smile to her face.

She was just about to step into her gown when her wedding planner knocked and entered the room. "Kate, you've got about ten minutes before we start. You ready?"

Taking a deep breath and sliding the gown up onto her arms, she smiled at Eleanor. "Yeah, I am."

Ten minutes later and Kate is just to the side of the back door at the Hampton's house waiting to walk down the aisle. As she makes her way down the beach toward Castle, her whole world seems to dissolve around her until the only two people she's aware of are herself and her fiancé.

His face seems radiant, the sun hitting him at such an angle to make him seem like some sort of Greek god. Beckett's heart thumps in her chest as she beams at him, the aisle seeming to take forever to traverse. She just wanted to marry the love of her life.

Out of the corner of her eye, she spots Alexis standing next to her father with Jamie in her arms. He's grinning and babbling, waving at her as his sister bounces him in her arms. She grins at him, a smile that scrunches her eyes and he laughs.

When she looks back to Castle, his eyes are so tender, so full of love that her smile softens infinitely. Her chest swells with love for him as she finally meets him at the end of the aisle, the start of their life.

The ceremony is short and sweet, Jamie behaves like an angel, and when the couple is pronounced husband and wife, their kiss is soft, slow, sweet, and tender. Jamie claps with the audience and his parents laugh with everyone else, swooping him up from his sister's arms to make their way back toward the house as a family of four.

AN: So I know that I'm terrible at updating, but I've finished this little glimpse into my imagination. There will be one more chapter after this and I sincerely thank you all for reading and hope you've enjoyed this story.


	19. The Future

_Two Years Later_

"Mama!" Jamie yells from the living room floor where he's playing with his blocks (where playing mostly means tossing them around).

"Jamie!" Beckett responds from the kitchen where she's making lunch for the family. It's a beautiful June day, Alexis is on summer vacation and Jamie's third birthday is rapidly approaching. She loves days filled with family and relaxation. Kate pauses from putting together the sandwiches and soup to look at her baby boy. "Wachya doin', baby?"

Jamie pointed to his tower of blocks and grins proudly at his work. "Makin' castle, Mama!"

Laughing, Beckett completely abandons lunch for the time being and makes her way over to Jamie. "It's beautiful, baby."

"Tanks, Mama!" he says. "This for me," he points to a tower of about four blocks, then points to a tower of two, saying: "this for Baby!"

Kate stops breathing, the love that her son has for the baby in mommy's belly overwhelming her once again. Even as she thinks this, Jamie kisses her protruding stomach, whispers, "Love you, Bella," and places his tiny hands on her belly.

Trying desperately to quell the tears threatening, Beckett swoops Jamie up onto her knee and kisses his head. "She loves it, baby, thank you." At that exact moment Baby Bella decides to thank her brother with a gentle kick to his palm.

Shock washes over Jamie's face as his mother beams down at her babies. She can't believe how much they already love one another. "Mama!"

"Did you feel that, Jamie? I think Bella wants to say thank you for her tower. She loves it," Beckett coos.

"I love her!" he squeals, jumping down from his mom's lap and running around the living room in circles. Beckett laughs and tells him she's going to finish making lunch before Daddy and Lex come back from the store. He's too busy babbling and running to notice her going back to the kitchen.

When Castle and Alexis return home, Jamie brags about his tower and Alexis 'pouts' that she didn't get one. They immediately begin building an actual castle while the adults continue making lunch and putting dessert away. While Castle talks to her about Alexis's latest college adventures, the sounds of her kids playing together, and the feel of her baby girl rolling around inside her, Kate realizes that she doesn't even want to travel back in time.

All those years of going back, trying to find her mother's killer, trying to find herself seem so distant, so unimportant compared to what she has now.

Castle is mid-sentence when Beckett grabs his face and kisses him sweetly. "Thank you," she says quietly.

He looks at her quizzically. "For what?" he asks.

She smiles at him and rubs a hand over her belly. "For giving me a reason to stay in the now. There's nowhere else I want to be."

AN: Thank you so much for reading! I know it took me forever to finish, but this was different than what I normally write. I hope you liked it!


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